Spoof news snippets from Friday 8 June 2007
Paris Hilton to be Outsourced
Exhausted, EVERYBODY has signed a WORLD petition to outsource Paris Hilton at least for 24 hours, so we can all get some REST!
Mother with White Child Spotted Moving into Council Estate
"It just ain't right!" says shocked neighbour, Scabbia Dovukal-Aldey.
Endemol Chief indicted for Crimes Against Humanity
Maker of Channel 4's Moron-Fest "Big Brother" was arrested in his home last night. His lawyer, Atilla Mengele, pleaded his client's innocence saying that Big Brother had helped drop the UK's average IQ to minus 5 and therefore helped Labour to three consecutive victories.
Harry Potter in Shock Internet Sex Tape
Wizard Potter denies claims that a tape of him and Ron Weasley is authentic.
Liverpool Fans Worst in Europe
"I'd even seen one nicking the hubcaps off the Pope Mobile," says UEFA head, David Moyes.
BBC Now Officially "90%" Adverts
"The trailers for our programmes are now longer than the programmes themselves!" says BBC Spokesman, Pansy McGandhi.
BBC Defends Policy to Sack all White News Presenters
"Having white people on television isn't going to reach our core demographic of Guardian readers," says BBC spokesman, Robert Mugabe.