Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 21 February 2007
Britney Out Of Rehab Again
- Correction..now she has returned to rehab. Oops, Britney out of rehab again. Correction..now she has returned to rehab. Oops, Britney out of rehab again. Correction..now she has returned to rehab. Oops, Britney out of rehab again....
JetBlue Vows To Compensate Delayed Fliers
- "We can't return money, but, come on down to the airport for a re-distibution of all the uneaten airline food which wasn't passed out during the snow crisis.
That's right...Lunch is on us!"
Brit Twit Flunks Out of Rehab
Britney Spears reportedly sobered up just long enough to realize there's nothing left of her body, mind or soul to salvage.
World's Tiniest Preemie's Hospital Stay Extended
The 9 and a half inch, 10 ounce baby girl is being attended by the world's tiniest pediatrician, 14-inch tall Dr. William "Wee Willie" Wynkey.
Prosecutors Say Libby Lied As Trial Ends
- "Honestly...Who gives a ****?!"
India Child Malnourishment Rates Worse Than Africa
- This is all part of global push for the "No Transfats Left Behind" campaign.
Heart Association Urges Action To Lower Women's Risks
- "You can help by approaching a women between the ages of 18 - 49 and call her a Heartless Bitch!"
Merck Ends Push for Mandatory Shots for Girls
- Single men everywhere are sadden by the news of Merck exiting the liquor business. Life at the singles bars were getting pretty interesting.
What Would A Satellite Radio Merger Mean?
- "It would mean the merging of several satellites which carry radio signals back down to Earth...you silly TWIT!"
Secret Intelligence Director Is Now In Place
- "In Washington, Newly installed retired Vice Adm. Michael McConnell, promises to keep his intelligence...a secret"
E-mail addresses for sale
Anyone interested in purchasing 1,800,000 active email addresses can apply through The Personal Information Protection Unit, 10 Downing Street, London. Or thru DVLA; any local govt office; local hospital; library; school; youth club; Anger Management Advisor - ad inf...
History Department at Vermont's Middlebury College Disallows Citing of Wikipedia in Papers or Exams
Citing Vermont Spoof writer Willis Rodney is still allowed but not recommended.
Viacom is Hooking up with Joost, a Rival of YouTube
But it's not a monogamous relationship. Viacom's chief executive has commented, "We're always open to partners."