Spoof news snippets from April 2007
There were 108 spoof news snippets published in April 2007. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Birkhead happy to know for sure that "I'm Daniel Lynn's dad!"
But wants to know...."with a name like that, is this a boy or a girl?"
Rapper Snoop Dog charged with gun and marijuana possession
Surprisingly, no one is surprised.
Excerpt From Martha Stewart's "What to do With Leftover Easter Eggs"
#23. Feed them to the neighbor's dogs (gives them the farts really bad)
Excerpt from Martha Stewart's "What to do With Leftover Easter Eggs"
#34: Donate them anonymously to Goodwill Industries. Let them deal with it.
Don Ho passes away peacefully in Hawaii
All nappy headed daughters will attend from Rutgers
Bush chimes in with two cents worth on Bush/Blair wedding
"You kin have anyone sing and fiddle fer us but them homo lesbian commie pinko rode hard n' put away wet Dixie Chicks."
"TomTom to blame" for Presidential delay
President Bush arrived a day late at New York to address the UN. He claimed his TomTom sat nav directed him via the Tyne Tunnel.
Sheryl Crow's Idea for All to Limit Use of Toilet Paper Doesn't Fly
It goes right down the toilet.
Bicycle stolen every 71 seconds!
Why do so many people want the same bike?
President Bush gets Wedding Jitters
CCN - Washingon, D.C. - President Bush was visibly showing signs of wedding jitters as the details of his wedding to Prime Minister Tony Blair move forward.
EXCLUSIVE! More information on type of bean Hugh Grant threw at reporter.
It was a washed-up has bean!
Bush does not want to hear talk of withdrawl
He is worried the people will say the same as Laura always does.
Sir Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney to Play at Blair/Bush Wedding
CCN - London - Sir Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney are scheduled to play at the Blair/Bush wedding. Blair was delighted at the news.
Britney Spears Itchy and Red in 'Spots'
CCN - Britney Spears has apparently been moaning and complaining about shaving herself bald because she has developed ugly, itchy, red patches. Britney has declared she will never shave again! She said, "I can't stand the itching and scratching. My head itches too."
Bush Has Historians Jailed, Appoints Gonzales History Czar
President Bush, proclaiming that history will be kind to him, has historians jailed. Alberto Gonzales has been appointed the first History Czar.
Fossil of GAY caveman found!
He wasn't a hunter, just a gatherer.
A real invisibility cloak is in our grasp: scientists
We can feel it, but we just can't see the damn thing!
Bush's Rubber Duck Refuses to Attend Wedding
CCN - Bush was upset when he learned that his Rubber Duck, or Ducky as Bush puts it, has declined the invitation to his wedding to Tony Blair.
Seals don't like clubbing!
They think they look stupid on the dancefloor.
A Slovenian man becomes the first person to swim the entire length of the Amazon river
Despite being followed by Iranian Navy.
Lab Technician loses invisibility cloak...
..."it was here a minute ago"
No interesting news. TheSpoof.com writers forced to do what real reporters do...
...make stuff up.
Rare Jane Austen portrait goes under the hammer ...
... she was so ugly, it's a much more satisfying way to destroy it than by simply burning it.
Guy Ritchie in big bad Brad, gay fart knocker shocker!
TheSpoof.com reporter discovers he can only write headlines!
God Angry With Alaska
God, tired of idol worship and every inconceivable act of evil, has frowned on Alaska.
Many American Universities Forced to Close
Few students and professors can pass mental health screenings.
Cell Phones to Blame for Bee's disappearance
Bees tired of roaming fees, move to area where calls are free.
Blair rejects leak inquiry call
"I will take a leak when ever I bloody want to!"
Roxanne, You Left Your Red Light On!
In a bid to meet its carbon emissions target, The Netherlands have passed a new bill to supply its red light districts with energy efficient lighting.
Kate Middleton Dumps Prince William
She's horrified to find out that he carries the "fat" gene just discovered by UK scientists.
Cold, Wind, and Rain Predicted for Boston Marathon
Lucky astronaut Sunita Williams is running the Marathon on a treadmill in space. Heavenly!
Catholic Church Changes Teaching about Limbo
Unbaptized babies CAN go to heaven after all, but only after being forced to listen to 100 hours of singing by Sanjaya.
Wal-Mart to Offer Abortions in Store
Critics howl they've gone too far!
Gnarly Erik and CalJennings Have a Showdown
CCN - Today, Gnarly Erik and CalJennings met halfway between Texas and Alaska to have a showdown. Gnarly, donning his snowshoes, and Cal, in a cowboy hat, prepared for the battle with such vicious weapons as sarcasm, and the soft cushion, as used in the Spanish Inquisition.
Ann Summers Called Up
Sexy knicker chain Ann Summers has been hired by the British armed forces to boost morale in Iraq by hosting raunchy parties for recruits. Soldier's wives are said to be annoyed.
The Beckhams Haven't Yet Found a House in L.A.
May decide to temporarily camp out in stylish tent at LA Galaxy's Depot Center Stadium.
Scientists Say There Might Be Caves on Mars
Osama bin Laden delighted to hear it.
Researchers Discover Enzymes to Convert other Blood Groups to Universal Group 'O'
Vampires are ecstatic. 'O' is their favorite flavor.
Movie "The Hoax" Opens This Weekend
Finally we'll find out what REALLY happened to Joan of Arc's bones.
Greek Cruise Ship Evacuated...
...After it began to list, when too many passengers from Weight Watchers (the "Before" section of the group) congregated on one side of the vessel.
Martha Stewart Travels to Kazakhstan to See Friend Blast Into Space
Martha insists on giving the space capsule a good scrub before takeoff.
Tai Chi Could Help Do Away with Shingles......
But then it might be difficult to repair that dilapidated roof.
Martha Stewart's Buddy Arrives at International Space Station
Astronauts disappointed that he brought along a gourmet meal for them. They were hoping for Big Macs and fries.
Dark Chocolate Easter Bunnies Delighted
To Discover they may have the power to lower blood pressure.
Congress Agrees on Funds for Border Fence
(Washington, DC) After months of partisan bickering about the funding of a proposed border fence along the US/Mexican border, Congress agreed to purchase the fence from WalMart for the everyday low price of $249.99.
TheSpoof sold!
Online satire site the www.thespoof.com was sold in a private transaction to Google, Inc. for $23 Billion US dollars according to Google CEO Dr Jack Schmidt. The Lowton brothers are all smiles.
US DHS raises terror alert to "orange"
Officials fear Osama bin Laden will release videotape of an April Fool prank he played on his friends...
Tiger Woods Attacked by Tiger in the Woods
(Orlando, FL) Tiger Woods was attacked by a tiger in the woods last night while camping with his wife. She reportedly yelled "FORE!" before the tiger attacked, but it was too late. Tiger is said to be recovering at a local hospital with only minor injuries.
Excerpt from Martha Stewart's "What to do With Leftover Easter Eggs"
#26 Wait until after dark. Then celebrate Halloween early and "egg" every car in the neighborhood.
Cheney Plans Next Hunting Trip, Mayor Order Evacuation
The mayor of a small South Dakota town ordered a mandatory evacuation after it announced that Vice-President Dick Cheney would have his next hunting trip there. Shelters in neighboring counties, out of gunshot range, will be available for displaced residents.
Sanjaya Sings Country on Idol, Alambama Secedes from Union
Following "American Idol" contestant Sanjaya Malakar's performance of a country song on last night's show, Alabama lawmakers called an emergency session and voted to secede from the Union. Governor Bob Riley told reporters, "America ain't what it used to be! Git 'r done!"
Alberto Gonzales is the cause of global warming!
New study suggests the Attorney General is responsible for the Earth's rising temperatures. "All the hot air he was spewing at the Congressional hearings contributed greatly to global warming" says Harvard study.
Several die as sewage dam breaks in Palestine
"I don't want to get all paranoid about this situation, but something sure smells to high heaven about this deal." claims mayor. "In fact, it just plain stinks!"
US to UK: April Fools.
Congress today announced that the US has pulled the biggest and longest running April fools joke on the UK; The American Revolution and everything since then was made up. One congressman commented, "Come on did you guys think we would actually vote for George W. twice?"
Osama Plays Huge April Fool's Joke On President Bush!
Osama Bin Ladin e-mails offer of surrender to excited President Bush before messaging 'GOTCHA, INFIDEL!" Freely admits to once diddling Laura. Asks Allah for forgiveness but tells Dubya to 'go piss up a rope'. Bush lost, confused, angry - i.e., like normal.
PET PEEVE: FDA Raises Terrier Alert to RED...
...in U.S. government reaction to recent dog food contamination issues. PETA immediately accuses Bush administration officials of canine profiling.
Spoof Editors Angered At President Bush
Editors of Spoof, the irreverent and irrelevant web site based in Britain, are so angered by President Bush making the site unlawful, they are taking it off the web. "He can just go wii" said one.
Stevie Wonder Loses Golf Tournament
(AP) West Palm Beach, FL -- Stevie Wonder took a beating from Tiger Woods at the Honda Classic yesterday with a loss of 3278 over par. Wonder was reported to have swung unsuccessfully 671 times at tee off. He was later seen driving his golf cart into the water hazard on the 11th hole.
Truth is Finally Out
After over six years in office, President Bush candidly revealed why he never negotiates: He's just never been able to say or spell 'that word'.
Osama Bin Ladin Throws Hat in the Ring in Iowa
Notorious terrorist leader Osama Bin Ladin has joined the race for the US presidency by entering the Iowa caucus. Believes confusion over similarity of names "Osama" & "Obama" guarantees win.
Bush Admits He Made a Grave Mistake . . . . In Choosing the Chicken Divan Over the Shrimp At Red Lobster
"Why didn't I order the shrimp? Why, oh, why, oh why?" Says Bush
Laura Bush:
"My attorney tells me I may have married a complete fool."
Excerpt from Martha Stewarts "What to do With Leftover Easter Eggs"
#263: Here's one that I and my family enjoy every year. Try cutting a hole in the top of your eggs, filling them with C4, and heading over to your former prosecutors house. Plant them in his flower beds and watch as they're blown to bits. Now thats some Easter fun.
Don Imus called "Dumb Anus"
Admits his foolish remark made him look like a ignorant asshole
Nappy Headed Hos Want Don Imus' Hide
Say Don Imus' apology just the beginning. Now want his boots, gold tooth, belt buckle, rabbit's foot, thong & more. Will pass on his pet goat & NRA membership.
Bush Loses Bet to Karl Rove
Didn't believe rerun of year old TV show would turn out the same: "Just doesn't make sense" says Bush.
Texas secedes from US!
Forms new country named "OBNOXIA". Other 49 states overjoyed. New national holiday declared: "Hallelujah Day!!!"
Strike Ends
Jack Bauer of "24" has negotiated an end to a hairdressers' strike. Thousands dead.
Dance Shocker
Nothing happened at last night's Harbor High School Senior Prom. Principal Encie Moroski: "They danced a little, they had some snacks. They all went home at 11:00pm. I was able to go to bed by Midnight."
Alec Baldwin Appointed New Ambassador to Iraq
"Anyone hating pigs as much as Alec does will fit right in with Muslims." says Bush. "Besides the Iraqis are all as crazy and angry as he is."
Cape Kennedy Gunman had Writting on inside of Arm with Black Pen
- Arm inscription read: FED EXMAIL
Department of Homeland Security Outlaws the Concept of Concepts
"Too many citizens are being confused between administration positions and reality"
Scientists Discover 'Red' Color a Menace to Civilization
'Red' states now reclassified as 'wine' states. Evangelicals riot nationwide & overseas too.
George W. Bush Will Not Be Prejudiced By Truths
Administration says firm hand needed when nation is threatened and president can not be influenced by facts
God Very Disappointed in G.W. Bush
God called him on Sunday to offer 'born again' salvation but no one home.
Blair: Brown is best
Tony Blair today declared that his favourite colour is Brown and not blue as originally thought. More to Follow
Mandleson to be bridesmaid
Peter Mandleson has confirmed he has been approached by the Pm to be his bridesmaid. more soon.
Arrest in Kangaroo Murder
Rolf Harris was today arrested on suspicion of murdering his Kangaroo.
Toy Story Woody Attempted Suicide
Woody, from Toy Story, was today found hanging in his loft wearing a Liverpool shirt. More soon...
Korea:
Korean Government declares owner of adult dog a 'vegetarian'. Owners of two or more declared 'ranchers'.
Indian Couple Commits Suicide Over the Death of Their Dog
Distraught over the loss, the grief-stricken pair inadvertently gorged themselves on the tainted dog food that sent their late loved one to poochie heaven, only to join him not long after.
President Bush outlaws TheSpoof.com
Angry at the number of jokes, satire articles, and snippets aimed at making fun of him, the President today outlawed the use, viewing, or mentioning of www.thespoof.com.
102-Year-Old Calif. Woman Hits Hole-in-1
Which in old lady talk means she got laid.
Cadbury's Issue Creme Egg Salmonella Warning
Chocolate giant warns consumers who have bought the Easter treat to ensure that they are boiled for 25-30 minutes before eating.
Feminist Campaigner Falls Down Manhole
As you can probably tell, she wasn't too happy...
Man with 18 daughters makes astonishing claim
Brags he is the father of an entire golf course
Bush Shocked By Virginia Tech Shootings
"Nearly 100 times worse than dead soldiers in Iraq - just do the numbers"
Big Brother Movie For Shilpa!
Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty is to appear in a movie, based on her Celebrity Big Brother experience. But in a shock move she is to play Jade Goody. She said: "I wanted to see what it was like to hurl racist abuse, rather than take it."
Bush outlaws swearing in all armed forces
Violators to be sentenced to 100 lashes and must listen to Jerry Falwell sermons for twelve consecutive Sundays.
Dems Limit Terms
Democrats declare end to "International War On Terror." Now "International War On Rude Behavior."
Only 49 out of 50 contestants in Miss America contest this year
Due to the Don Imus contoversy, no contestant will wear the banner reading: "IDAHO"
Blair: Marry me George
Tony Blair today asked for George W Bush's hand in marriage. More soon.
Bush: I'm Size 9
George W Bush today dismissed reports he was a size 8 shoe and declared "I'm a Nine".