Spoof news snippets from June 2004
There were 27 spoof news snippets published in June 2004. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Obesity - core cause revealed
Scientists in the UK claim the alarming rise in obesity can be attributed to people eating more.
Wendy's restaurants to eliminate need for physical exertion
The US burger chain's new drive-through-only locations will forever save customers the calorie-burning effort of actually leaving, walking into the store, and returning to their cars.
Baskin-Robbins Introduces Explosive New Flavor
Ice cream chain Baskin-Robbins today introduced its newest flavor, called Iraqi Road. This light chocolate ice cream is studded with nuts, dates, and weapons of mass destruction.
Micheal Moore to Direct Britney Spears New Video
Rotund political activist Micheal Moore has confrimed he will direct Britneys new video, My Bush Is Scratchy. More later...
SNP rumours ignored
Rumours that Scottish Nationalist leader John Swinney is stand down because of dwindling interest in the Party have been largely ignored. An SNP spokesman said: “Whatever… who cares?”
God adds commandment "Thou Shalt Not Ask Questions"
In a move clearly favoring President Bush, God amended the Ten Commandments today with an eleventh, "Thou Shalt Not Ask Questions." The White House declined comment.
First Lady Laura Bush to File for Divorce
Press Secretary Scott McLellan confirmed today that Laura Bush is filing for divorce.
"I'm tired of George constantly giveng me these little pills. They ruin my entire day ," Mrs. Bush said.
Iraq Sets June 30 Deadline for Hand-over of Power
The Ruling Council in Iraq has unanimously voted to return control to the U.S. after only one day
of evaluating the mess the country is in.
Michael Moore is new CIA chief
It has been confirmed that Michael Moore will be the next CIA head. Moore offers extensive insights into world affairs and is seen to be pushing for a broad overhaul of how spy the agency operates.
"dead or alive"
former president Reagan,admitting he has faked his death so that he might sell iraq more weapons,has blamed bush jr. for starting the war with iraq,deplenishing their weapon's
Grand Canyon to be Filled
"It's really just a big hole," said President Bush, "someone could fall in and get hurt!"
God resigns
I've had enough says bearded creator as he ponders retirement David Beckham is being considered as a replacement.
Military Banned in Toledo
In a show of solidarity with the Holy city of Najaf, city officials banned US military presence from the newly christened holy city of Toledo, now known as Holy Toledo.
Rasputin:
"...and just when do I get a chance to poke this Britney Spears peasant?"
Bush so full of crap has extra anus fitted
Yes it's official old Dubya has had an extra anus fitted to enable swift evacuation of waste products, got the idea after having lunch with 2 dicks Clinton
Ghost of Daniel Fahrenheit Haunts Ray Bradbury
Daniel Fahrenheit inventor of 1st accurate thermometer has been haunting Ray Bradbury over improper use of his name in Fahrenheit 451. Has no desire to have name associated totalitarian governments.
Cheney Comes Out of Closet
"Dick" Cheney startled everyone by propositioning Sen. Leahy on the Senate floor yesterday. It is not known if Sen. Leahy accepted.
tenet wants job back
george tenet announced that he doesn't want to resign, due to death threats made by iraqi and al qaeda members.
J. Lopez Marries Marc Anthony
Will rule Egypt, but has not yet given birth to twins.
Air America Hires Les Nessman
By Thanksgiving more than the ratings will drop!
Sim City Players Addicted to Scrolling Headlines
People just can't get enough of news just rolling around, Mr. Mayor.
Red meat eaters less annoying, study shows
According to a new study, eating red meat is less likey to turn you into a whining hippie FREAK than a diet of tofu. The study also shows that red meat tastes better, too.
Bulldog Pisses Euro Poll
Having purchased the right to vote, Barney the Bulldog from Barnsley's is UK's latest EU Minister.
UKIP to outlaw lettuce
UKIP have announced plans to lobby the EU to outlaw lettuce as part of their plan to make the EU look ridiculous.