Spoof news snippets from 2004
There were 124 spoof news snippets published in 2004. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Obesity - core cause revealed
Scientists in the UK claim the alarming rise in obesity can be attributed to people eating more.
Wendy's restaurants to eliminate need for physical exertion
The US burger chain's new drive-through-only locations will forever save customers the calorie-burning effort of actually leaving, walking into the store, and returning to their cars.
Bush and Kerry are locked in a virtual tie in the area of voter apathy.
Marines general: Falluja conquered
Until irrefutable evidence to the contrary surfaces in a few weeks, the US Marines and all Bush-controlled media will continue to claim that Falluja’s insurgents have been “totally wiped out.”
UK House prices go into reverse
BBC News reported that UK house prices have gone into reverse. This Spoof reporter has just bought a six bedroom mansion for £000,005,1.
Another Elvis Sighting
A man claiming to be Elvis Presley is being held, without charges, at the US base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
A senior US interrogator said yesterday, "We'll be keeping him here until he sings".
Baskin-Robbins Introduces Explosive New Flavor
Ice cream chain Baskin-Robbins today introduced its newest flavor, called Iraqi Road. This light chocolate ice cream is studded with nuts, dates, and weapons of mass destruction.
Micheal Moore to Direct Britney Spears New Video
Rotund political activist Micheal Moore has confrimed he will direct Britneys new video, My Bush Is Scratchy. More later...
2004 Olympics ready in time for 2008 Olympics
Athens Olympic Committee announced construction work will be ready in time for 2008 Beijing Olympics. The announcement itself was delayed after allegation of corruption and financial difficulties.
Boost for Kerry!
John Kerry is to return to Vietnam to meet Luki Wan Ka, the teenager who had been in a coma since being shot by Kerry during the conflict. Doctors says that Luki hopes to become an American citizen!
Bush Responds to Spanish Terrorist Attacks
"It's a good thing I've made the world so much safer from terrorism than it was before September 11, or imagine how bad it would have been!"
SNP rumours ignored
Rumours that Scottish Nationalist leader John Swinney is stand down because of dwindling interest in the Party have been largely ignored. An SNP spokesman said: “Whatever… who cares?”
Flu vaccine prices skyrocket...
proving, once again, that while the rich get richer, the poor get sicker.
God adds commandment "Thou Shalt Not Ask Questions"
In a move clearly favoring President Bush, God amended the Ten Commandments today with an eleventh, "Thou Shalt Not Ask Questions." The White House declined comment.
Joe Lieberman Seeks Republican Nomination
Joe Lieberman is switching parties to contest George Bush for the Republican nomination. A spokesman for Lieberman said, "Look at his stand on the issues, I think this makes more sense, don't you?"
'Queer Eye' to add Celebrities
The hit TV show 'Queer Eye' will add Bill Cosby and members from the Grateful Dead. The show will be called "I Spy a Queer Eye for a TieDye" and will move to the Family Channel's six a.m. slot
Presidential Hopeful Comes Out
US Presidential hopeful Joe Lieberman came out today during a news conference while campaigning in Delaware. Lieberman told a stunned crowd of more than 200 gatherers that he's "not really Jewish."
Country Music Used as Homophobic propaganda!
The CIA have discovered coded messages being used in Country Music songs by The Statler Bros! The group have been summoned to The White House to meet President Bush and Toby Keith.
Pensioners go to Pot
Three pensioners will appear in Northampton Magistrates Court later this week, charged with possession of cannabis. All are residents of the controversial Tambourine Mansions care home.
Babies Have Worst Hygene in Britain
A recent BBC report suggests that babies have the worst personal hygene of any UK demographic.
"The just crap right there in their pants" said a BBC spokesman, "they're worse than the scousers."
PSU sues George W. Bush
The Political Satirists Union filed a lawsuit against the President, claiming that since his election campaign they lost $2.1million dollars from lost bookings.
"Life Begins at 40" not true.
"Life Begins at 40" is not true, claimed a man given a just week to live on his fortieth birthday yesterday.
First Lady Laura Bush to File for Divorce
Press Secretary Scott McLellan confirmed today that Laura Bush is filing for divorce.
"I'm tired of George constantly giveng me these little pills. They ruin my entire day ," Mrs. Bush said.
Iraq Sets June 30 Deadline for Hand-over of Power
The Ruling Council in Iraq has unanimously voted to return control to the U.S. after only one day
of evaluating the mess the country is in.
Monkey set to run large company.
Halliburton oils today announced that a trained chimp was to be made CEO of it's company.
One shareholder said today "Finally we'll have something intelligent running the show."
Terrorist Cell Found Hiding in Michael Moore
The CIA announced today that three Jordanian terrorists were found hiding inside filmmaker Michael Moore. The terrorists are in U.S. custody, and Moore is said to be feeling "a lot less sluggish."
Tori Spelling to wed Baboon!-Luke and Garry not invited.
Tori Spelling and her beau will wed today in Malibu. Unfortunately Luke would not attend citing "Garry is never invited to these things, so I'm not going." NY times
Saddam to run for Congress
Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein said today he will run for Congress in the 2008 US elections.
Republicans are said to admire the "tough" stance he took some years ago with Kurdish insurgents.
Can the VP
DUNSMORE, Iowa -- After careful consideration, Democratic candidate John Kerry has decided not to have a running mate in his bid for the Presidency.
STREISAND-MANSON TOUR ANNOUNCED
Legendary diva Barbara Streisand announced today that a 15 city tour will begin with goth-rocker Marilyn Manson.News media asked,"Why Manson?" Babs replied, "Manson,shmanson. I love his wardrobe!"
Uncle Olig From "Unfortunate Events" Blames Evilness on Mother
In an unexpected move during his trial today, Olig of "A Series Of Unfortunate Events" fame blamed his evilness and illegal activities upon his mum, reportedly because she named him Olig, which is German for "smarmy" . . .
Thou shalt obey me
The UK government is to try to pass laws criminalising incitement of religious hatred, Home Secretary and God-apparent David Blunkett says.
Evil Robot Attacks NY!
Many have been injured in the last few days. An evil 80 foot tall robot with plasma guns, grenade launchers and a bomb shooter is destroying New York City! Do not return to NY until further notices.
Study Shows "Ignorance is Truly Bliss!"
Armed with the findings, President Bush announces he will disolve the Deprtment of Education and replace it with the "Department of Fun Stuff".
George Bush Loves "Golden Girls"
Estelle Getty and company are back...at the White House! The President will proclaim July 16th "National Golden Girls Appreciation Day"
The Spoof Security Stepped Up
Following death threats received at TheSpoof, our security team have been taken to "orange alert", we will go to "red alert" if we start seeing tanks on their way, as soon as we find the bulb.
Bin Laden found in strip club
Osama Bin Laden was found getting a blowjob in an LA strip club, more to follow soon.
BBC to be Downgraded
Following the reclassification of cannabis, Tony Blair has called for the BBC to be downgraded to a class F broadcaster, believing that it would “reflect the reputation of the corporation”
Martial law alert
little george just signed a bill, beginning May29th.calling for martial law over the entire nation,stating that anyone ,especially christian's,or the "poor will be shot if caught away from their home
The Chief Executive of the Football Association has resigned after his affair with Faria Alam. He said it was a mistake and that his ball control was about as good as England’s in Euro 2004.
Saudi Militants hold books hostage
Stolen from library at gunpoint, author of story gets laid
World's end postponed
GRANTVILLE, Penn. -- A Jehovah's Witness who claimed the world would end next week has now said he was wrong by two weeks.
Bush lays wreath at tomb of the unknowns
Wreath later reports that it fell asleep during the ceremony, calls Bush "a lousy lay."
New UK Immigration Policy
The UK have confirmed that all passengers arriving at Heathrow would be strip searched by a male member of security. By way of explanation, a spokesman said: “Britney Spears is arriving next week.”
Michael Moore is new CIA chief
It has been confirmed that Michael Moore will be the next CIA head. Moore offers extensive insights into world affairs and is seen to be pushing for a broad overhaul of how spy the agency operates.
Leprechans "Beat the Snot Out" of Cupid
Outrage that Valentine's Day greeting cards are still being stocked on store shelves, there has been a Leprechaun uprising in several retail stores across America.
"dead or alive"
former president Reagan,admitting he has faked his death so that he might sell iraq more weapons,has blamed bush jr. for starting the war with iraq,deplenishing their weapon's
Torture at Abu Ghraib
Missing vowels, misplaced consonants
Grand Canyon to be Filled
"It's really just a big hole," said President Bush, "someone could fall in and get hurt!"
I've had enough says bearded creator as he ponders retirement David Beckham is being considered as a replacement.
Spoof obssessed with Cyprus
Today, Spoof writers submitted over 11,000,000 articles about Cyrpus. Noboy knows why.
Military Banned in Toledo
In a show of solidarity with the Holy city of Najaf, city officials banned US military presence from the newly christened holy city of Toledo, now known as Holy Toledo.
Confucious a Little Confused
Chinese philosopher known as "Confucious" was really, really old. Most of the things he actually said was just dementia.
"...and just when do I get a chance to poke this Britney Spears peasant?"
Bush so full of crap has extra anus fitted
Yes it's official old Dubya has had an extra anus fitted to enable swift evacuation of waste products, got the idea after having lunch with 2 dicks Clinton
The U.S. Paper Dollar Scheduled To Be Out Of Print.
Congress just passed a new law based on new RF technology. More that 85% of today's supermarkets, convenience stores and even vending machines have already converted!
Professionals Can't Fudge it after Budget
Lawyers have been told they must now inform the Home Secretary of any sneaky plans they have to get guilty criminals off the hook before trials can proceed.
Ghost of Daniel Fahrenheit Haunts Ray Bradbury
Daniel Fahrenheit inventor of 1st accurate thermometer has been haunting Ray Bradbury over improper use of his name in Fahrenheit 451. Has no desire to have name associated totalitarian governments.
Cheney Comes Out of Closet
"Dick" Cheney startled everyone by propositioning Sen. Leahy on the Senate floor yesterday. It is not known if Sen. Leahy accepted.
A Towel Story
Fossilized deck-chairs, beach towels and knackwurst sausages are found on Mar’s historic shoreline. NASA says this shows that German holiday-makers discovered Mar's first coastal resort.
Bush Asks: Wanna Come Out To Play?
It has been revealed in the last few minutes that the President has travelled to Iraq to ask Saddam to be friends with him. More on this story later.
Bush To Build Transatlantic Bridge
George W misses his buddy ,'poodle Blair' so much that he is to build a bridge across the'pond.
It is believed that the bridge will be the biggest ever built, with a span of some 4,000 miles.
Good Samaritan Matrix Fan Shot Dead
A passerby attempting to aid woman being robbed was shot 27 times while dodging in slow motion.
Assailant reloaded twice.
Hussein Pleads Insanity
BAGHDAD, Iraq - Appearing before a judge, Saddam Hussein pled insanity, asked for another crack at Iran and endorsed the Bush/Cheney campaign.
NEWS FLASH -- JAKARTA, INDONESIA. . .
June 2 -- Today, Colin Powell purportedly said that former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein should be presumed innocent unless proven guilty by the evidence. . . Honest!
Ted Koppel today defended his decision to list US dead by stating that "Americans need to be reminded about the war. far too many of them have the attention span of a goldfish"
MLK Jr Turns Over In Grave
Magnetic soil imaging has confirmed that the famed civil rights leader rolled over in his grave after the media's millionth reference to the gay marriage debate as a civil rights issue.
Man Embarrassed To Admit He Liked Toto
42-year-old Tulsa man suffered deep embarrassment when he admitted to friends that he had thought Toto was a good band. He denied, however, ever having liked Journey or Styx.
Less Atlas Because of Moore?
A leaked copy of the 2005 Rand-McNally USA atlas omits Davison, MI, hometown of radical filmmaker Michael Moore.
Randy Rieves Goes Gay!
Randy Rieves, an undesireable person as it is has unbelieveably gone extremely gay! He says that he loves going to the local gay bar and getting poked in the rear. He obviously wasnt shy about it.
Mirror receives accolade
The Mirror newspaper was today voted “Best Comic” by a group of 10 year olds. The children, thought to be either male or female, were particularly impressed with “the lack of news content".
Osama "dares" Bush in latest message
O. (Dirty) BLaden "dared" Pres. Bush to keep forces in Iraq in his latest taped message. Bush responded with a "double dare". A "physical challenge" is schedualed for later.
Dick Cheney Takes Michael Moore Hostage
VP says the film maker will be beheaded unless Keneth Lay is released. "Spring my boy, or this
f#%ker is toast!" Cheney says.
Rubbish news reaches millions
Bob Thropple - a janitor at an EU outpost in Cuba - today declared his love for pop queen Britney Spears. Mrs. Thropple is thought to be devistated. Lord Lucan was unavailable for comment.
George W. Bush makes up new word
progrowth he just said it in his State of The Union Address after 30 minutes of rambling on about Iraq.
Lynn Cheney at it again, claims "Dick's stuff does stink"
Shortly after challenging Dick on civil unions Lynn Cheney broke from the party line again. Speaking to a women's group Friday, she broke from topic and declared, "He can really clear a room."
George Bush to run for President of Iraq
Us President George Bush is poised to make history when he today informs the senete of his decision to run for President in Iraq.
Spate of 'Bonnet Rolls' instigates enquiry.
The metropolitan police ordered an enquiry into costs due to damage allegedly caused by 'a rogue element' rolling on the bonnets of squad cars. Former chief Sir Condon asked 'What are they thinking!'
Woman down to size 4, refuses to quit Adkins. Friends reportedly annoyed
After losing 15 excess pounds preparing for swimsuit season, Janie Morris continues her low carb obsession. Close friends believe diet "just gives her something to blab about."
UK's Oldest Woman Dies
Annie Boscombe, the UK's oldest woman, dies at 115 years of age and has to start all over again.
Bush Appoints Dean Democratic Nominee, "Let's Skip All This Beaurocratic Bull Crap and Get to the Big Election&
Bush adds, "This is all just a waste of time anyway since I'll win with or without the most votes in November. Just another example of irresponsible spending by the Democrats."
The missing weapons of mass destruction have been found by US special forces in Iraq- buried in Saddam's back yard. Michael Moore is yet to comment (surprisingly!).
Iraqi governing council reject John Negroponte as US ambassador
The Iraqi governing council has demanded that an alternative US ambassador be chosen as Negroponte is to face human rights charges for atrocities in Honduras and Nicaragua.
Janet Jackson Responds
"I did it just to show that Michael isn't the only boob in the family."
Verizon Wireless Gives Up
Yesterday, Verizon Wireless gave all cellular stations, employees and property to Cingular Wireless. Denny Strigl (CEO) claims that he was just feeling generous that day.
George Bush to World: "Do Over"
Apparently relying on old golf strategy to undue his utter reckless invasion and occupation of Iraq, George Bush declared a "mulligan" at a recent press conference. Details to follow.
US Caps Iraq Casualties at 911
The White House has announced that only 911 American soldiers will be allowed to die in Iraq. The rest must stay the course.
Microsoft Files for Bankruptcy
REDMOND WA--In a special news conference that both Steve Jobs and Bill Gates attended, it was announced that Microsoft filed for bankruptcy. More to come as it is released.
NASCAR cancels '500'
CARMEL, Ind. -- NASCAR officials say the Indianapolis 500, has been cancelled due to a lack of gasoline.
"We will, still sell all NASCAR-related items on the site," said a spokesman.
tenet wants job back
george tenet announced that he doesn't want to resign, due to death threats made by iraqi and al qaeda members.
J. Lopez Marries Marc Anthony
Will rule Egypt, but has not yet given birth to twins.
Air America Hires Les Nessman
By Thanksgiving more than the ratings will drop!
Pretzel vendors everywhere are on Red Alert after the President choked on another pretzel, He's currently being treated in Washington General Hospital for first degree choking.
Dean accepts new post as cheerleading coach
Howard Dean was selected today as Dean of the Cheerleading Sciences Department at University of Vermount. Dean Dean was unavailable for further comment.
Sim City Players Addicted to Scrolling Headlines
People just can't get enough of news just rolling around, Mr. Mayor.
Red meat eaters less annoying, study shows
According to a new study, eating red meat is less likey to turn you into a whining hippie FREAK than a diet of tofu. The study also shows that red meat tastes better, too.
Bulldog Pisses Euro Poll
Having purchased the right to vote, Barney the Bulldog from Barnsley's is UK's latest EU Minister.
UKIP to outlaw lettuce
UKIP have announced plans to lobby the EU to outlaw lettuce as part of their plan to make the EU look ridiculous.
Spoof administrators censor free speech
Ronald Reagan Dies
To be packed in ice, sent to Abu Ghraib