Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 2 August 2011

image for Dyson Cheese Graters Recalled
Cucumber + Cheese Grater = BOOM

Just days after their launch, Dyson are recalling all of their new Cheese Graters due to a small technical fault.

"In general day to day use," said Leonard Mettier, head of the recall team, "there are no problems with the cheese grater. Quite the opposite. We have had glowing reports from most of the users claiming it to be the single most useful gadget they own. They are refusing to return it, they like it that much."

However, Dyson urge people to return the graters despite their brilliance.

"In a small number of cases," Mettier said, "the devices can explode. A street in Surrey was lost to one such Cheese Grater Explosion three days ago, whilst a family in Dorking only just manage to escape with their lives as the multi-storey car park was demolished by a faulty cheese grater."

Dyson are investigating the problem, and hope to have it solved fairly quickly. Initial ideas are suggesting that people have tried to grate things other than cheese and carrots.

"Whilst the grater is the only product on the market that can grate soup," said Mettier, "we were unable to test it with every food stuff available. We think it might have been a cucumber, or possibly a brick, that somebody attempted to grate. We have tested it with bricks, and that shouldn't have caused the small thermonuclear explosions that we have been seeing. However, our brick was on it's own, whereas the reports suggest that the Dorking brick was still attached to the multi-storey car park."

Mettier admits that cucumbers shouldn't be used in the grater at all. "Cucumbers are dangerous. They wiped out half of Germany, and though shredded cucumber goes well with duck and pancakes, we strongly suggest our customers do not under any circumstances put them in the Dyson Cheese Grater. We cannot be held responsible if they do."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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