Written by IainB
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Saturday, 9 July 2011

image for New Automatic Air Freshener Detects Bad Odours
Oh my god, have you just farted?

Forest Clearing, the manufacturers of air fresheners have developed what they believe is the next break through air freshening product that will change the market: Odour detection.

Having already invented the plug in air freshener, the pulsing air freshener, the odour destroying air freshener and the ionic air freshener it looked unlikely that there could be any further advances in the air freshening business. Until now.

"We're extremely pleased with our new air fresheners," said Gordon Laid, head of R&D at Forest Clearing. "We were quite pleased when we made them look like plastic stone, but these are something else."

In tests on 143 women, 79% of the women preferred the new air fresheners over leaving dirty laundry from half dead tramps lying around the room.

"It's amazing," said one of the testers, Julie O'Durr from Kilkenny. "It detected whenever my husband farted and sprayed the room with the smell of lilac instead."

The actual mechanism for the odour detection mechanism is a closely guarded secret, but rival company Fabwind, believe that the device sprays randomly.

"We bought one and put it in a room with a load of wet dogs," said Fahmira Brieze, R&D chief at Fabwind. "It sprayed a couple of times, but nowhere near enough for that much smell."

"Perhaps the sensor was overwhelmed," Laid retorted. "What with the dogs and the smelly Fabwind scientists."

The air conditioning researchers are now desperately looking for the next evolution in air freshener technology to keep ahead of the game. In desperation they have even taken advice from toothpaste manufacturers who've told them to advertise what the product has always done, but in three different ways to make it sound new.

"Our next product," said Laid, "will not only freshen rooms, it will whiten teeth too."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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