Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Space, Asteroid

Sunday, 13 November 2005

image for Japanese Asteroid Probe Lost in Space
The Itokawa Atsteroid, goal of the Japanese Hayabusa probe.

The latest space probe launched by the Japanese Space Agency has been reported "lost in space." The Hayabusa probe was lauched by the Minerva robot towards the asteroid Itokawa to explore the surface and to scoop up samples and bring them back to earth. The asteroid lies between Earth and the planet Mars and is not much larger than some of the Japanese islands. Shortly after separation, the Minerva lost communications. The probe is only the size of a one gallon coffee can and locating it in the vastness of outer space could be as hard as finding the proverbial needle in a haystack.

When asked the purpose of the mission, Hiro Bingo of the Japanese Space Agency said, "We wussa trying to rocate Godzirra and determine when he would come and destroy Tokyo again. We rooked all around the oceans and isrands and could not rocate him, so we decided to rook in outer space."

The multi-million yen space program is now suffering the same failures as NASA, the American space agency. In the recent past, NASA has lost communication with several probes and/or satellites or has crashed them into the surface of Mars.

In response to the comparison, Bingo said that, "our runar rover will not be as bad as theirs. It will have reather seats, better emission control, and get better miles per gallon. We pran to rand on the moon by 2025 and begin mass producing our runar rovers for all of the American astronauts. Right now, they all drive Mazdas, Toyotas, or Nissans, so why not our runar rovers?"

Part of the blame for the loss has been placed on American advisor Zachary Smith. Apparently, he is the one who wanted to send a robotic mission instead of a manned one and called those who opposed him "bubble headed boobies."

Shortly before the Minerva robot lost communications with Earth, they received a strange message. While the probe generally communicates in Morse code, it sent the words in English "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger." Japanese scientists and linguists are deeply studying to find out why they and how they would receive this message from a probe that is now "rost in space."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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