Written by IainB
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Sunday, 1 May 2011

image for The Unwitting Designer in Intelligent Design turns out to be people
If I shoot all deer without red noses, soon they'll all look like Rudolph

In a remarkable turn of events, it transpires that humanity is tailoring the biosphere of Earth, proving once and for all that they are the designers mooted by the sham-science, scaremongering, opiate for the unimaginative: Intelligent Design community.

"A lot is made of the Peppered Moth," said William Behe, spiritual leader of the Intelligent Design community. "In polluted areas it's dark, in clear areas it's white, but they're both Peppered Moths. What is more interesting is that it is humans that provided the environment that made the peppered moth get darker."

Humans too are responsible for Fence lizards in the US evolving longer legs, adfter they accidentally introduced the fire ant, and the shrinking of garter snake mouths in Australia due to the introduction of the poisonous cane toad.

"Interestingly," said Behe, "since moving the cane toad to Australia, it too has evolved. Bufo Marinus, the cane toad has got stronger legs for moving more quickly across the vast continent. It can no longer produce viable offspring with Bufo Marinus from the native Central American species, and looks like becoming Bufo Australius. A brand new species created by humans. Marvellous."

As well as the toad, African elephants have been split into two species by humans hunting them for their tusks. Previously, African Plains elephants and African Forest Elephants could breed, but in the past five years, it has been discovered that the by now largely tuskless Plains elephants can no longer produce calves with the tusked Forest elephants.

"The cows get pregnant, but all the interbreeding produces still borns," said Behe. "Yet another new species created by humans! We are truly on a roll. Give us another hundred years and we'll have flying pigs! Just you watch! You've seen what we did to the wolf and the Wild Cat, yak, boar and ibex! And now we can manipulate their very genes." He raised his voice: "Behold for I have become god!"

"That's all well and good," said Behe's arch-nemesis Richard Dawkins, "But it does beg the question: who designed humans? And who designed the designer of humans? Etcetera..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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