Written by Matt Maus
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Monday, 28 March 2011

image for Statistics up!

A recent hard-hitting survey has revealed that statistics have risen upwards at an unprecedented rate and are currently at an all-time high.

The shock report reported that a shocking 74% of all statistics are only 39% worthwhile, while 22% of the those worthwhile are worth considering, considering the statistical worth of the percentages involved. And furthermore, the average is the largest since records began. Before records began, they were 83% larger than the 56% average they are today, (a consequence of Weinhosen's 2nd Law).

Head of Statistics at Didcott College of Statistics, Dr Ellen Hywater (41) said in an interview, "We are 78% sure that the rise in statistics can largely be put down to an above-average increase in averages coupled with a percentage rise, in real terms, of percentages."

The meaning of these revelations has yet to be revealed but it has been suggested that when the meaning is revealed the revelations will reveal nothing meaningful, or not.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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