Written by Jalapenoman
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: University, Arkansas

Thursday, 8 September 2005

(AP) Former United States President WIlliam Jefferson Clinton (Bill) has agreed to leave his retirement to assist a University of Arkansas study to find out if blondes really are better in bed.

"I have agreed to be a test subject as part of the control group to sleep with several women with different color hair to see where the better performance and capability is at and if it relates to the color of their hair," said Clinton. "As it has been explained to me, the women will range in age from 18 to 24 and come from differnet states and socio-economic backgrounds. We estimate that I'll have to be in the lab at least three times a day for the next several years and we'll have to look at all facets of love making."

When asked if his wife Hillary was aware that he would be cheating on her with several more young women, Clinton said "that depends on what the definition of cheating is. And what about the word young? Young is a state of mind and all of these girls are going to be of age. Most will have already been sexually active, but if the have not, I'm still willing to work with them."

"I'm not doing this to discredit my wife, I'm doing it to honor her and to further scientific advancement. She is, after all, a blonde too. In a way, I guess I'm just trying to prove that she is more important to me than a brunette like Monica Lewinsky."

Clinton added that any young ladies wishing to discuss his wife's reaction with him could sit down and talk with him and share a cigar.

The University of Arkansas was able to quickly fill the required positions for male testers. Female test subjects of all hair colors and from all parts of the country are encouraged to contact the school about being part of the study. The College of Intercourse Testing University Studies (COITUS) has agreed to provide free birth control and AIDS testing. They also encourage the better looking applicants to work with all of the male testers to give better sampling.

Studies will take place at the Razorback Lodge just off Interstate 540. Subjects will have to sign a waiver allowing the experimentation to be videotaped be scientific and research purposes.

Make Jalapenoman's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

4 5 3 8

Go to top