Written by wadenelson
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Topics: Women, Scientists

Tuesday, 6 September 2005

Minneapolis -- Scientists world-wide are studying female orgasms in the hope of developing a Viagra-like pill for women. In their offices, their homes and even their cars, research goes on for anything that could lead to development of another "Trillion Dollar Pill.

Drug company scientists have lately begun using MRI brain scanners, because as any man can tell you, "trying to figure out what's going on inside a woman's head is next to impossible." They're watching women's brains while they have orgasms, listening to the moaning, and observing the writhing. Despite occasionally getting distracted, they're coming, and coming, and coming to some pretty interesting conclusions.

"We basically located the areas of the brains that are activated in orgasm in women," said Perry Crutzfeld. They're the same ones that get activated while shopping. "A bright color, a pretty fabric, and kaboom! those neurons start firing."

Brain scans have measured the blood flow of research volunteers, whose are strapped down rather tightly, because, according to another researcher, Anthony Jacobs, "Some girls like that."

When brain cells that govern a particular emotion or activity are activated, they need more oxygen, which is why they start panting. During a brain scan, regions of the brain can be seen lighting up on a computer monitor, like when a husband pulls up in the driveway and the motion sensor comes on.

The scans reveal that pleasure centers - the same ones that become active when people ingest cocaine - light up, perhaps explaining why having lots of high-grade coke is a relatively easy way for unattractive guys to get laid.

Crutzfeld and Jacob are currently studying the brains of women who can achieve orgasm purely through thought, although they've been forced to tape pictures of Bradd Pitt and George Clooney to the inside of their MRI machine.

"Everyone knows that it all happens between the ears and not between the legs," said Stephan Etta, a leading sexual researcher at Gropinher University in The Netherlands. "I've had women practically tear my ears off while, ahem, you know."

In June, Mike Holdredge published one of the first studies that mapped brain activity during orgasm for men who were stimulated by their partners.

Among other results, Holdredge found that the part of the brain thought to control fear and guilt- the "CSGC 0r Catholic Schoolgirl Center " - deactivated during orgasm for both women and men. It's something Billy Joel figured out early."

Sex using a brain scannner is "The future of sex, in my opinion" said one researcher. Instead of spending months or weeks figuring out what sort of stimulation she needs to pop that cork, this is like cheating. It's like opening champagne."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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