Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Space, NASA

Friday, 19 August 2005

image for NASA delays next launch to April, 2586

(HOUSTON) -- NASA, convinced that they can eventually resolve the Space Shuttle's "foam" problem officially announced the next launch date of their totally redesigned space vehicle. NASA administrator Michael Griffin assured reporters that 581 years from now, Space Taxi "Orion" would lift off safely with no discernible foam particles hitting the craft. While MSNBC is watching.

Space Taxi Orion, tentatively scheduled to orbit the earth 3 times before heading to Saturn is NASA's most ambitious project to date. NASA administrator Michael Griffin told reporters,

"Challenger and Columbia did not die in vain. Our new Orion will not only not explode upon liftoff but will not explode upon re-entry into the earth's atmosphere. Of course it will take our scientists a while, over 500 years to perfect the non-exploding component of the launch vehicle but rest assured Orion will land safely in 2586. In Florida. Or California. Where ever raindrops do not exist."

David Perkins of McDonald Douglas told reporters that he's positive that NASA can send a craft to Saturn without foam hitting it. He said,

"Our engineers at McDonald Douglas designed the actual alarm system that monitors Boeing's actual foam alarm system which beeps if a piece of stray foam should come loose during flight and strike the space craft." He added,

"So far our computer simulations show that in the year 2586, a craft on the way to Saturn hit by a stray bit of foam would, in a worse case scenario, simply have to make an unscheduled landing on Mars. Assuming that it wasn't a big chunk of foam that grazed the craft. And that it wasn't raining on Mars that day."

President Bush, obsessed with putting men on Mars within the next 20 years told reporters that he did not know about NASA'S "Saturn" Project. In a speech outside his newly renovated Crawford Texas ranch he told reporters,

"Saturn's a bit further .. farther than me an Laura had planned them taking a shuttle. It's further than Mar's right? Out yonder?"

Aides told the president that Saturn was indeed a wee bit farther than Mars. Out yonder even but assured the president by the year 2586, nobody would blame him for making an honest mistake. Or even remember his name. The president thanked his aides for their candor and walked freely about his ranch.

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