Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 28 December 2010

image for iPad 2 on the Way, Original iPads Furious
Return to sender!

Apple Inc. is expecting. Expecting what? you ask. Why the iPad 2, of course.

And rumor has it that the original iPads aren't happy about it at all. They're not quite ready to think about welcoming a new sibling. "What's to become of US?" they ask.

Their daddy, Steve Jobs, is well aware of the lack of a welcoming committee. He's trying to turn the situation around. He even bought thousands of tiny sibling sweaters for the oldies to wear. You know the ones. They jubilantly declare, "I'm the big brother" or "I'm the big sister" in bright colors, announcing in advance the blessed event to come. The original iPads plan to use the sibling sweaters as cleaning rags.

Yep, to the original iPads, the thought of a new "baby" isn't blessed at all. Especially when they found out that Jobs is already working on birth announcements and premium cigars to be packaged with news of the latest addition to the Apple family. "Neither of those things was done for us," sniffed Ida iPad (she's head of the iPad union) to a reporter. She continued, "And in the warehouses, we're already losing our privacy, what with all the bunk beds moved in to provide sleeping accommodations for the newbies. Well, those news ones can take the top bunks," she said. "The old bones of the original iPads are just not up to the climb. And that's that."

Ida said she had little time to chat with reporters, since she was in negotiation with Jobs and other bosses to get the best deal she could for her union membership. "It's clearly out with the old and in with the new," she pointed out. "But it's gonna cost 'em. Oh, not with one-shot rewards like a retirement dinner or a cheap watch. No, we'll be demanding severance packages and pension benefits."

As she continued her rant, Ida iPad said she was reminded of what J. B. Priestly once said, "There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age - I missed it coming and going."

Ms. iPad paused for a moment and sighed. Then, before taking her leave, she pleaded, "Steve Jobs, are you listening?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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