Written by anthonyrosania
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Wednesday, 10 November 2010

image for CoD Black Ops False Advertising: "There are no hot chicks who play Call of Duty: Black Ops."
Activision's last game, "Call Of Duty: Lesbians Build Aircraft" was a commercial flop.

The television ad for Activision's blockbuster 'Call of Duty: Black Ops' video game is breathtaking. Unfortunately, it is also a gigantic load of sh-t, says anti-loads of sh-t in advertising activists.

The commercial which opens to the strains of the Rolling Stones' 1938 hit "Gimme Shelter", features a lovely twenty-something woman in a grey flannel business suit emptying an M-16 into unseen enemies, who are probably Iraqi. Because Iraqis are bad. All of them.

Various other 'average Joes' are depicted in the ad as well, such as LA Lakers point guard Kobe Bryant, who earns $24,806,250.00 for the 2010-2011 NBA Season, and Jimmy Kimmel, who earns $6 million a year for his nearly-unwatchable ABC late night show.

The developers are embarrassed that the 'Black Ops' ad entitled 'There's A Soldier In All Of Us' is potentially misleading.

Kobe Bryant and Jimmy Kimmel have not indicated that they'd ever play the game, and, if they did, they wouldn't use easily identifiable screen names like 'Kimmel=250lbTwink' and "Never-Rape-In-Colorado-Again', as they do in the commercial.

Also, the fat chick, who appears to have an orgasm after inexplicably discharging a shotgun into a doorframe, is just an intern. And her weight doesn't affect her mouth whatsoever.

"They're out of line, airing this advertisement," said Piers Shippes, a 48-year-old avid gamer. "Why lead us to believe that chicks would even play this game? I mean, not that I'd even know how to talk to a girl, but I'd like to try it someday."

The FCC has concluded their investigation, and will not file charges, in spite of previous chick-repelling videogames as Star Trek: Voyager - Elite Force; Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast; Star Trek: Kirk is a Power Bottom; Star Trek: Milk The Franchise; and Star Wars Trek Wars Star Trek: Trek Wars In the Stars.

"We'd like to file charges against them," said FCC Chairman Howard Stern. "But they're owned by a company in France. Given how douchey French people are, it'd never stick."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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