Written by IainB
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Topics: Sleep, Tired

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

image for Cure for tiredness
Tired? Do try this at home

In an attempt to win the igNoble prize for medicine, a team of researchers in Luton have finally found a true scientific cure for tiredness.

Plenty of people know about drinking ten cans of Red Bull, three double espressos and forcing a Boost bar down, but as the long distance lorry driver will tell you, these stimulants only work for so long before you drive your truck off the side of the M6 and into a field. This is the source of those trucks parked in fields that are used for advertising.

Beyond the freely available stimulants, there are the medication stimulants, such as ProPlus and pure, intravenous caffeine. These will get a new mother who's been without sleep for four nights through another night without sleep, but it can't stop her feeling tired.

During the eighties, some high powered stockbrokers found a way of staying up for weeks on end by using illegal substances such as cocaine and amphetamines. Whilst these substances work in stopping tiredness in its tracks, they do have some rather unpleasant side effects.

"Basically," said Sandy Mann, a head researcher (she researches heads) at Luton University, "we have found a way of eliminating tiredness in a safe and controlled way. We have discovered that anybody can do it with minimal training, and no specialist equipment is required."

Having discovered this method of eliminating tiredness, Mann will have the honour of naming it.

"After discussion with my colleagues," Mann said. "We have decided to call this soporific lessoning exercise for everyday people, or SLEEP for short."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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