Boffins at Apple today unveiled their latest creation, the Arse-Pad. It is said to be a little like the i-Pad in appearance, but with significantly different capabilities.
The Arse-Pad - which is expected to retail at £19.99 - differs from its predecessors in that it will only pick up crap off the internet.
Nothing useful at all. Just crap.
Like TheSpoof.com, TheFramleyExaminer, and other similar sites which publish blatant and outrageous lies, thus rendering it useless for research and educational purposes.
An excited spokesman for Apple enthused that the Arse-Pad will become a must-have accessory for intellectuals and anybody who gets a buzz out of taking the piss.
The Arse-Pad has been pre-programmed with a unique app known as TTP - Take The Piss. This app will flash up a series of random onscreen messages designed to amuse the user.
A sneak preview exclusive to TheSpoof.com revealed some of the prompts raised by this app.
"Look at that miserable bastard on your left."
"Don't look now, but the person opposite is cross eyed."
"The person to your immediate right isn't wearing any underwear."
"Ask the next person you speak to if they think it's possible to use a stick of celery as a sex-toy."
All randomly generated, with 280 million variations.
Apple are confident that the Apple-Arse will be a best seller this Christmas.
More as we get it.