Written by C. Cranium
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Friday, 16 July 2010

image for Steve Jobs Announces Apple IPaper
Product tester using new Apple IPaper.

In a surprise new product announcement Apple has launched their latest innovation and it's phenomenal. The IPaper looks like a newspaper, feels like one, folds like one, it is a newspaper.

Made with a new plastic product that combines technologies from Tyvec, Kevlar, and microscopic electronic circuitry the IPaper is indestructible. It folds and unfolds in seconds, and can automatically fold into the' Subway-Fold' with a button push on the selected article. The pictures are digital with 2.1 mega-pixel clarity -- not like a newspaper at all. Forget messy paper recycling as you only need one IPaper.

IPaper is a complimentary product to IPhone and/or IPad and for a nominal additional fee you can have a daily download of one of five national new papers - New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, or USA Today. The newspaper appearance is just the start as many articles have ITouch functionality where web searches are easy but limited to two drill downs. Printing is easy and wireless.

The drawbacks are few but kind of irritating: IPaper, with the web search exception, is a read only device, when folded the IPaper is the same size as a newspaper, all ads are in tact, the latest version updates are at five AM local time, and there no history available. The device has the same service limitations as a cell phone -- if you are on the subway the paper remains intact but queries may not be functional. And most irritating for me is that crossword puzzles must be printed.

The announcement of IPaper comes off-season, not during any Apple extravaganza, which leads one to believe that Apple has innovative products backed up, and they had to cycle IPaper to make room for next January and more amazing breakthroughs. I'm still kicking myself for buying Microsoft ten years ago and not Apple.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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