RamJac Inc., a lesser known player in the cell phone industry, announced Monday that it would be introducing a new line of suppository cell phones. Placed in the rectum, the new phones have a dual use on both the business as well as medical front.
"We're really excited about our new line of phones," said RamJac CEO Herb Ratcliff. "For years, colon cancer has plagued our society, and our new phones emit just enough radiation to kill the cancer, while at the same time providing our customers with a first rate experience on our top of the line high-speed 3 G Network."
The suppository cell phone comes as a package deal with a set of high tech Wayfarer Sunglasses which allow the user to communicate via voice, or surf the world wide internet. Current service plans start at $79.99 per month, and with the optional full scale service package, a customer never has to worry about having an inadvertent blow out.
According to Ratcliff, "We back our product one hundred and ten percent all the way. If one of these babies ever takes a shit on you, we'll insert you with a new one right away, anytime of day or night, rain or shine. And especially where the Sun doesn't shine."