Written by Mike Roberts
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Friday, 23 April 2010

image for Quantum broadband sparks creationists animal cruelty row
"Schrodinger's cat. Cruelty at its worst." says creationist

Japanese technology giants Toshiba are reported to have cracked the problem of quantum broadband by transmitting encrypted data at over 1 megabit per second along 50 kilometres of optical fibre.

"The link is so secure it is 'theoretically' unbreakable." said a spokesman for the company at a press conference announcing their success.

The jubilant atmosphere at the meeting was marred however by members of a creationist animal rights group protesting what they claimed was the inhuman and barbaric treatment of animals during the testing of the system.

"We know all about Schrodinger's cat." shouted one protester, "Quantum cat boxes are cruel." shouted another.

A group of leading scientists tried to explain that 'Schrodinger's cat' was a purely theoretical thought experiment that had nothing to do with their research, but the protesters refused to be silenced.

Their leader, Dr Theo Logist told us, "I have a doctorate in physics from the Divinely Inspired Creationist Knowledge School in Alabama. We DICKS, as we like to call ourselves, know what we're talking about. These so called scientists can't pull the wool over our eyes so easily."

"You need two cat boxes for each system, one at each end of the link." explained Dr Logist, "With potentially millions of these systems being needed across the Internet, the suffering to cats would be simply unbelievable!"

When asked about biblical references to the torture and sacrifice of animals, Dr Theo stated "I am amazed that you could even try and draw a comparison between God's just and holy requests for appeasement and this completely unnecessary cruelty being carried out in the name of demonic science."

A spokesman for Toshiba simply shook his head "Is this really what the American education system is producing these days?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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