Written by ronin47empire
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Topics: Global Warming

Sunday, 11 April 2010

image for Global Warming report: New Moore Island Sinks: IPCC yet to rule out "Boys jumping up and down"

New Moore Island, a pointless piece of real estate with absolutely zero pubs, malls or halls sank under the Bay of Bengal a couple of days ago. We're not sure what happened exactly, but the island is "gone". Initial reports of the island leaving because mommy and daddy fighting have been discarded by the scientific community as it's unclear who would be mommy and who would be daddy in the 30-year territorial dispute between India and Bangladesh.

"Asian countries have a really bad habit of claiming the rough and undevelopable terrain of other Asian countries. Most sensible countries in other parts of the world go to war over oil, gold or other neat stuff but we insist on haggling over barren tracts of mud. Now the island is gone, but my guess is we're still going to fight over it. Because if you stretch my earlier logic, now that the "land" is even more useless we should be shining our new nukes in response to defend it," stated astute 8th standard student Thabish.

The IPCC, it is reported, is examining Thabish's statement closely and is not ruling out any possibilities. "The scientists are going very slow on labelling this as Global warming due to the IPCC's earlier claims on said subject being widely discredited.

Thabish's early borderline racist and seditious statements have cast suspicions on the young lad and his friends. The IPCC wants to know why an 8th standard student even knows such things, astute or not. And then there's Prajwal's accusations," said a source close to this Mindry.in reporter.

Prajwal a former friend of Thabish alleges they were on the island and jumped around a lot before things got messy. He also alleged that the jumping around of Thabish and Rakesh in particular may have been the tipping point and caused the actual sinking. Prajwal's mother's initial reaction of smacking him on the backside of the head has been overturned by the Supreme Court of Somalia (Somalia has a disputed claim on Prajwal's house 44/B 7th Cross, it fully acknowledges Indian sovereignty on 6th and 8th crosses).

While we cannot be sure if Pachauri's people are taking Prajwal seriously, they are yet to come out and definitively blame global warming. "It's possible that the scandal-hit IPCC is not dismissing Prajwal's tale as a far fetched story born of a young man's imagination. Prajwal's mom has hit him on the head again for lying about Thabish but the fact remains that Thabish's mum has not provided his travel records or denied accusations that her son goes to the India-Bangla border to play cricket everyday from Bangalore by cycle making the 500 mile journey in 15 minutes. She merely laughed and thought said she thought that we at Mindry.in and possibly the members of the IPCC were mad.

Rakesh has issued a statement stating clearly that he had nothing to do with New Moore Island and has not left Jaynagar since his birth. He also blames Prajwal's accusations on a hidden agenda as Prajwal had lost the team ball (majority stake owned by Thabish with Rakesh holding a 30% stake in it) while playing cricket and both Rakesh and Thabish had complained to their mums who had then complained to Prajwal's mum who then smacked him on the backside of the head.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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