Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: NASA, Planets

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Kepler Telescope Discovers Five Planets, NASA Thrilled
The Styrofoam Planet. Totally pointless Discovery

As if on cue, and akin to the performance seen on camera when the last "Ice Probe" drove itself into the lunar surface without so much as a puff of dust, NASA scientists were again throwing their pocket protectors in the air in celebration of the Kepler Telescope's recent discoveries.

Locating five previously undiscovered planets across the galaxy, all of a circumference much greater than earth's, NASA and M.I.T. scientists still held hope that they would some day find a planet similar to our own. The space bound Kepler project is tasked with exactly that mission.

"What they found instead, was a planet with the density of Styrofoam, another with a molten surface hotter than lava, and three other gas cloud planets that were uninhabitable", says Washington critic Myron Neenosze. "Tell me how that helps me philosophically, technically, financially, religiously, esthetically or in any other way, shape or form?"

NASA spokesman Dr. Haywood Jablome disagrees with that assessment. "Our goal is to continue our search for intelligent life, on a planet similar in classification to our own. This long range space telescope can help us do exactly that."

Neenosze answered back, "And then what? The closest discovery was the Styrofoam planet and that is a mere five million light years away. I guess we can take comfort knowing there truly was no better way to spend 600 million dollars."

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