Written by LisaPisa
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Topics: God

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

image for God Loves a Tyre
The man likes tyres. Who can blame him?

As an expression it has been used for generations when patting a loser on the back for failing to win, but as it turns out, the oft quoted line of "God loves a trier" is wrong.

God in fact loves a tyre.

And not just any old tyre. God loves Michelin tyres.

"God is big into his cars. He has several antique 3-wheeled Robin Reliant's and stationwagon-style Lada's that he collects and he always pops in to pimp them out with the hottest wheels", said Barry the eponymous owner of Barry's Garage of Shite Cars, Norwich.

God always buys second-hand bald tyres. Apparently he likes to live on the edge. He has a Devil-may-care attitude that, lets be honest here, seems odd for God.

He is often seen driving around town with his tinted stained-glass windows down and a throbbing beat of Enigma's 'The Age of Innocence" booming out from his tape machine (God allegedly is a cheap retro bastard).

He gathers with his mates in car parks after nightfall and partakes in illegal street races with people named 'Eggy' and 'Cockface' and 'Shitz'.

"He's a total waster", said Barry

"in real life the man hates triers. Thinks they'd be better off doggin' in the park or playing keepie-uppie at the back of the shopping centre loading bay area. The guy is into tyres, crap cars and ice-cream cones - in that order".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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