Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: NASA, Monkey

Friday, 30 October 2009

image for Monkeys Plan to Radiate NASA Astronauts
ALL kinds of monkeys are welcome at the equal-opportunity press conference.

When the inhabitants of the Monkey House at the Bronx Zoo in New York City learned that NASA planned to radiate monkeys, they decided, "That's it. Enough's enough."

"It's an outrage," one monkey commented. "Just because they want to know the effects of radioactivity on astronauts, they think they can experiment with us. What are we, chopped liver?"

The monkeys got together to make a plan of action. What if they turned the tables and radiated the astronauts, instead of vice versa? Hmm. Sounded good.

They called Sears and had huge microwave ovens delivered to the Monkey House. They emailed monkeys the world over and invited them to attend a special "event" at the Bronx Zoo Monkey House on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Bananas, bottled water, insects, leaves and small reptiles will be available free of charge to all attendees. Map Quest has been alerted to provide special swing-from-the trees routes to the Bronx Zoo from anywhere in the world.

The monkeys arranged for the publicity-hungry zoo director to stage a NASA press conference at the Monkey House on that day. Numerous astronauts will be in attendance.

The monkeys are rubbing their little hands together in anticipation. While the astronauts preen in the attention they will get from the crowds, the monkeys will nab a few of them and stick them in the microwave ovens. "A little zap should do it," the chief monkey says. "We don't want to overcook them, just give them a little taste of their own medicine. You know, the old 'Do unto others' routine."

Famed Spoof writer Monkey Woods has volunteered to give the keynote address, "Don't Mess with Monkeys," at the press conference. Updates to follow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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