Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Health, boring

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

image for World's Most Boring Man Takes Up Post As Human Anaesthetic
Our reporter fell asleep during the interview

A man who is thought by many in his local pub to be the most boring man on Earth has taken up a post of Human Anaesthetic at Bradford Royal Infirmary.

The man, Adrian Lipstick, about 45, regularly bores the arse off drinkers at the Horse and Cobblers near his home in Great Barr (not Great Bore - but almost!) in Birmingham.

Lipstick, who works as a manager for a well-known telecommunications company, regularly bores his 'mates' to sleep with his embellished stories of kids' football, supplemented with an unparalleled degree of tedium.

A neighbour of Lipstick, in Birkenshaw Road, Great Barr, told us:

"He can bore me through the walls!"

Lipstick, who is also an unreliable witness at Employment Tribunals, was asked by staff at the infirmary if he would like to work there in a trial they were running, when it became apparent that he could put anything to sleep just by talking. Being the sort of person who loves and craves attention, Lipstick agreed, and off he went to bore folks into their pre-op slumbers.

A former 'friend' and colleague of Lipstick's, Harry Geath, told reporters:

"He's an extremely boring, irritating twat. Mind you, so am I!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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