Written by Illusnist
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Topics: Science, genius

Friday, 2 October 2009

This'snotta Seekrtbunkersport, SD - Almost 200 miles in a random direction from a small town built to look really old and unimportant, a child who may be the greatest thinker the world has ever known is kept hidden away from prying eyes, solid foods, and exposure to all known forms of airborne contagions. Joey Marshall may only be 10 years old, but he has cracked the the most complexing mysteries of the known universe this week, right after eating a large helping of pineapple flavored yogurt.

Wiping the last of the yogurt from his face and ears, Joey turned his usual uncomprehending gaze a little further to the left than normal and said the words that will be rocking the foundations of knowledge for a long time.

"I don't like pineapple," he stated. "Oh, and in an infinite universe, even the most rare events are happening constantly, all answers are yes and no, anything that can be imagined does and does not exist."

Joey's condition worsened from that point until he drifted off to sleep. His final semi-coherent sentence was, "When cats purr, Bigfoot understands strings." This was passed off as the sort of fantastical statement a normal 10 year old would make, and the boy was ushered off to bed so that his newfound discovery could be studied in more detail.

Initial reactions to Joey's statement are that there is no obvious error in the philosophy that everything exists somewhere in infinity. In no uncertain terms, this discovery changes everything mankind has ever believed or disbelieved in pretty much equal fashion.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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