A recent scientific study carried out whilst driving to work, statistically proved that while driving, candidate A made the correct decision 100% of the time, whilst candidate B was more likely to be incorrect 100% of the time regardless of the opinion of any given passenger.
The controlled experiment was part of a series of research analyses carried out by The Smithian Institute in order to successfully demonstrate the superiority of candidate A over candidate B.
Other tests conducted under harsh words, proved that the reason candidate A was late for work most mornings was due to candidate B's eyelash regime and had nothing to do with candidate A's inability to comprehend time as a linear parameter. The research also included a stringent analysis of rubbish theory that suggests a bin will eventually become empty despite repetition of the phrase, "Can you empty the bin?"
When questioned, candidate B claimed that candidate A was 'crap in more ways than she could imagine', that candidate A's only redeeming quality was 'diabetes' and that she had been taking part in a similar series of 'experiments' to ascertain the critical conditions required to reach 'orgasm' with a variety of her own specifically selected subjects in 'scientific' locations 'like the shed'.
Although the research is in it's preliminary stages, the results are expected to form a more thorough understanding and basis for a divorce. It is also hoped that the outcome will lay down the groundwork for a sustained examination of the effects of alcohol and high doses of illegal and prescription drugs upon single middle-aged men with erectile dysfunction, genital herpes and an 'adolescent addiction' to the 'theory of anal sex', without any 'practical data' or 'subjective experience'.
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