Written by John Langlois
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Topics: swine flu

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

image for Doctors Promote "Pearls Before Swine" Flu
Pearls are preferred

Doctors in Hollywood, CA have announced a variation on the swine flu vaccine hysteria promoted on shows such as FAUX News. It seems that wealthy matrons seeking to have their neck wrinkles removed have been getting "Botox" injections made from pork glands.

While offering a temporary smoothing of the signs of aging, the procedure has several unwanted side effects, including fever without sweating, lethargic behavior, grunting and a craving for a mud bath.

Worst of all the new flu causes tiny pieces of skin called "sow's ears" to begin growing in the folds of the matrons' skin.

As one patient noted, "It's bad enough that I have crow's feet around my eyes, now I have these little "pork rinds" growing out my neck."

The ears are small and can generally be disguised by wearing a set of pearls, such as those sported by Laura or Barbara Bush.

When plastic surgeons were questioned about the procedure they replied, "We always recommend pearls before Swine Flu injections because we just don't see these kinds of side effects with pearls."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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