Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 14 February 2009

image for Scientists Identify New Disability
Which buttons would you push to heat something for one minute?

Scientists and Medical Doctors have identified a new disability that was formerly considered another form of laziness. This is good news for an estimated 250,000 people in the world that suffer from this syndrome.

"Microwave Programmers Disability" is defined as the inability to push extra buttons to come out with proper amounts of time. For example, people wanting to heat something for 30 seconds will instead push the three button twice (33 seconds) instead of the "3" and then the "0." People wanting to heat something for one minute will heat it for either 55 or 66 seconds, rather than pushing a "1" and two "0's" or "6" followed by a "0." People wanting to heat something for a minute and a half will push "8" and "8" rather than "1", then "3", then "0" or "9" and "0."

"What makes this a special disability or syndrome" was the question asked by Sergio Morales. "It just makes sense. It is just easier and faster. I really thing that this is something that smarter people do and something that more people would do if they just thought about it."

Doctors, however, believe that the delusions of people such as Mr. Morales may be deadly. They have petitioned Congress and the President to fund a research grant of three billion dollars into finding a cure for this malady.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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