Written by IainB
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Monday, 26 January 2009

image for Speed of light wrong
Eight minutes? More like ten!

Scientists have finally been able to measure the speed of light, and they have discovered that their original speed was wrong.

Ray Luminere of the Paris Academe, Paris, used an advanced version of the same technology that catches speeding drivers to catch light in the act of moving.

"It is still very fast," Luminere announced to the world. "Even by French drivers' standards. However, it is nowhere near as fast as previously thought. It was believed to be about 300,000 kilometres per second, but it is only 50,000 kilometres per second."

The results of Luminere's experiments have yet to be reproduced, but if they are correct, they will change everything.

"There will be no need for any kind of fancy made up 'here be dragons' physics that have kept theoretical physicists in herbal tea bags for the past century," said Lisa Hubble. "Dark energy and dark matter will be thrown out as unnecessary, whilst the age of the Universe can be reassessed down to a date that will please evangelical Christians."

Not all physicists are convinced. Theo Retichal, a theoretical quantum physicist from Glasgow University believes that the discrepancy will be down to experimental error.

"Well," said Retichal, "he's French, isn't he? He's bound to have made some kind of mistake, like leaving the lens cap on. Or putting his decimal point in the wrong place. Or measuring it under water. Or through brick. I'm telling you now, the speed of light is 299,792,458 metres per second in a vacuum. Always was, and always will be."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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