Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: Space, Chinese

Friday, 26 September 2008

image for Chinese astronauts get sick on tainted Orange Tang

Kennedy Space Center, Florida - A complimentary case of Tang, the preferred drink of astronauts during America's golden space age in the 1960s and 1970s, was sent to the Chinese astronauts by NASA as a congratulatory gesture for their successful launch into space. However, all three Chinese astronauts that drunk the Tang have reported feeling ill.

As a result, Chinese officials have accused the U.S. government of deliberately tainting the Tang out of jealousy of its entry into the new space race to the moon.

"Those accusations are absolutely ridiculous," said the state department. "We're not jealous of the Chinese space program, we welcome it. In fact, we can hardily wait for their space program to come on line. So we subcontract their services, low-balling the Russians. They have been getting too uppity lately, making us park a second shuttle on the pad for our last launch."

Moreover, when the state department released copies of the transcendental shipping invoices, tracing the origin of the tainted Orange Tang to a heavy industrial manufacturing district in China (one without a single free trade zone chartered to an American corporation or billionaire), the Chinese officials refused further comment on the matter, citing their ongoing investigation as the reason.

Meanwhile, back in space, the one remaining conscious of the three Chinese astronauts not sicken by the tainted Tang reluctantly agrees to take a sip of it at the suggestion of a disembodied voice of a Chinese official.

"Use of force, Yang," said the disembodied voice over the space capsule intercom. "Drink the Tang, or else."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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