Written by Paul Deacon
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Topics: Kids, childhood, Adults

Thursday, 6 December 2001

image for Adults' Childhoods
I'm really 45

A new report published this morning has discovered that adults are enjoying longer childhoods than at any time in the past. At the same time children are having to grow up quicker than ever.

Around 75' of adults aged 18-35 still enjoy nursery rhymes, although these are marketed as rap music. The report also found 27' of adults still enjoy crayoning on walls, fences and stationary lorries. As many as 33' throw a regular tantrum behind the wheel of the car and a massive 87' of adults aged 18-26 surveyed at 11pm outside the Rose & Crown dribble, vomit, poo their pants and cannot walk and talk.

The report, compiled by researchers Delite Touche also found that 79' of children aged 7 were grown-up and already actively looking at mortgages, saving plans and Argos catalogues.

The report's writers were unavailable for interview as they had become shy, wanting to suck on their favourite toys and so had lit up cigarettes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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