Written by Noshing Mink
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Monday, 22 September 2008

image for Archaeologists use really old guy to date Stonehenge
Alf remembers when people walked around in black and white wearing flat caps, saying "How're you then, guv'?"

Scientists have found a way to tell exactly when Stonehenge was built. For hundreds of years, this stone circle has confounded everyone. Conventional methods of pinpointing its origin using carbon dating don't work because the Ancients used rock rather than carbon to build the circle.

However, archaeologists have found a really old guy from Wiltshire who might know when the monument was erected. Alf Boggins is 92 and remembers stuff that noone else does, such as when milk cost less than a shilling, whatever that was. Alf has been used to tell the dates of many other objects, such as Granny Wilson, whom he told fraud investigators was aged 87 and not 91, so that she doesn't get the over-90s pension after all.

Boggins remembers such ancient events as Margaret Thatcher's poll tax, which was introduced in the 1980s, and the miners' strike of the 1970s. He recalls the Beatles in the 1960s and even saw them on a black and white television set at the time. He almost attended Woodstock in 1969, except that he couldn't afford the flight to America, as he was unemployed, but he did read about it a few days later in something called a newspaper.

Dr. Crippen, a well known archaeologist, said "We're excited about having a really old person help us trace the origin of Stonehenge. Who knows what secrets Alf might unlock?"

Boggins' sister Marge, who lives at St Mungos Hospice for the Really Old and Demented, is said to be even older than Alf, and may be able to remember what caused the extinction of the dinosaurs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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