Written by Riaz Ali
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Topics: Insects, Rabies

Friday, 9 November 2001

image for New Strain of Rabies Found in Ants!
Get that water away from me human!

Last week, Scientists at the University of Wales discovered a new strain of rabies in ants.

"I discovered it quite by accident," said Professor Phelagalem, head of the 'Lets Discover A New Strain Of Rabies In Ants' department. "I was walking home one night and a gang of them jumped me. Foaming at the mouth they were."

I asked how he had escaped. "Well, I tripped up the first ant over my shoe. Another one jumped on my back but I grabbed him by his neck and threw him at the others. Then I made my escape."

He showed me a dead rabid ant in a test tube.

"Looks awful doesn't it ?" he mused. "Maybe we should keep them in fur-lined coffins."

I asked the professor what the hardest thing was about treating sick ants.

"Bandaging their feet," he replied gravely.The government has issued the following statement :-

"ALL CITIZENS OF THE UK ARE NOW LEGALLY OBLIGED TO PLACE ANY ANTS THEY FIND IN QUARANTINE FOR THREE MONTHS - SIX MONTHS IF THE ANT SHOWS A FEAR OF WATER - (THIS CAN BE ASCERTAINED BY THROWING A BUCKET OF WATER AT THE ANT AND SEEING IF IT JUMPS OUT OF THE WAY)."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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