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Thursday, 13 May 2004

image for Scientists Discover New Disease Related to Too Much Reality TV Watching
When I called that girl a blabbering idiot I meant it in only the nicest way!

Hollywood, CA

Scientists at the Bad Television Institute of the Americas have uncovered a new disease which affects avid Reality-TV watchers. They call it "Blabbering Idiot"-itis.

"Wait a minute. We mean, when we call y'all Blabbering Idiots that well, you say stupid things and are stupid people. It's not insulting, really. So please don't misinterpret our intent. We mean no harm. Thank you."
Trish Imsonotabitch-Yalldontknowme (no relation to the chick from the "Bachelor") announced at a press conference today.

If you think you may have Blabbering Idiot-itis, take this brief quiz:

  • Do you understand what all Randy Jackson says on American Idol?
  • Do you care about where the next Survivor will be held?
  • Are you able to determine who was the better Joe Millionaire?
  • Do you own a Clay Aiken, Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard and/or William Hung CD?
  • Have you told your child that he 'owned' his performance when he stinks up the school talent show?
  • Have you ever missed a PTA or business meeting to watch "Fear Factor"?
  • Have you ever had a craving for maggots or cockroaches?
  • Do you keep mumbling, "I can't believe LaToya lost" to yourself?
  • Do you know the last names of the last five Survivor winners?
  • Do you understand every single reference I just gave you?

If you answered YES to more than three of these questions you have minor Blabbering Idiot-itis. If you answered YES to five or more get treatment (and a life) immediately!!!
Symptoms of this dreaded disease are varied, but can include:

  • sharp decrease in IQ
  • strong desire to have plastic surgery
  • listlessness
  • deep depressions which cycle by the ending of a reality-tv season.
  • irritability during the commercials of your favorite reality-tv shows because you can't wait for them to come back.


Currently the only known treatment for this disease is prevention and abstinence.

"It's a severe prescription, but we ask people to try not to get sucked into Reality TV at all. Prevention is the best way to combat this disease. If you are hooked, or suspect you are, we suggest that you throw your television sets away or just watch CNN. There's nothing real on CNN." Dr. Kwaky McQuackkwak, the leading authority on this disease, announced at the press conference.

When asked if a 12-step approach would work, Dr. McQuackkwak said, "We aren't sure. It seems that no one can agree on meeting times due to their disease. When we have more information, we'll be sure and provide you with it."

Stay tuned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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