Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Topics: John McCain

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

image for John McCain Fit to Serve as President Despite 'a Few' Health Problems
A clean bill of health

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- In an effort to prove that John McCain is healthy enough to be President of the United States, the Mayo Clinic of Scottsdale has released the Arizona senator's medical records as well as his brain scans and biopsies.

Several doctors answering questions from reporters said the old senator has no "fundamental" health problems that would keep him from performing duties as president of the United States should he be elected, "except maybe for the early signs of dementia, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and several other diseases known to affect the elderly."

His infirmities make the Senator stand still for hours with his hand out as if he were begging for donations, during which his is at the mercy of unscrupulous lobbyists, the doctors reported.

McCain also has a history of suffering skin cancer, neural plaque, dental plaque, colon polyps, brain polyps, hardening of the arteries, the Pox, kidney stones, dizziness, liver insufficiency, heart arrhythmia, brain farts and abnormal brain patterns, according to the medical professionals.

Some voters may have concerns about his health status and age. If elected, McCain, who will be 72 in August, will be the oldest President to start his first term.

A survey released has revealed that one third of voters do not feel comfortable voting for someone at McCain's advanced, fossilized age.

Records also showed that the Arizona senator suffers chronic shoulder pain and moderate pain of the right knee from injuries inflicted when he was shot down as a Navy pilot and imprisoned in Vietnam for five and a half years.

Fortunately, McCain now has access to unlimited opiates to dull the pain and spends most of his waking hours totally stoned.

McCain has also had four malignant skin cancers known as melanomas removed in 1993, 2000 and 2002, with the most serious one was removed in 2000. The recurrence risk is estimated at 'over 10%.'

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

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