Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 1 March 2008

image for 16 Trillion Troublesome Plastic Bags To Be Launched Into Outer Space
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An environmental group has said that it intends to launch more than 16 trillion plastic bags into space in a bid to halt the enormous effect on global warming and climate change that carrier bags are having.

The group called LOOPY, operating from within the UK, has said that plastic carrier bags available from supermarkets take more than 1000 years to degrade, and are a threat to mankind, as well as the picturesque countryside, wildlife and sealife.

Many turtles have been 'snagged' by Tesco bags, which resemble jellyfish, their staple diet, and Constable-like scenes of beauty have been ruined by Asda and Sainsbury's carriers, much to the annoyance of ramblers.

Now, the group has decided to fund a multi-billion pound operation to commission a spacecraft big enough to launch a potentially-infinite number of harmful plastic bags out into space where they will "live harmlessly forever", instead of "cluttering-up hedgerows" and endangering wildlife.

The bags will be launched in June, and may end up on Mars. If so, they will be able to "colonise" the Red planet, and then send back any useful information to the plastic bag recycling station in North Yorkshire for analysis.

Jason Sideburns, 6, of LOOPY, said:

"It's an expensive operation, but one we feel will benefit humankind until scientists find a safer way to carry our provisions home from the supermarket."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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