Written by Simon Cockle
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Topics: Sex, Insects

Monday, 21 January 2008

image for Moths "have sex just like humans"
Professor Dusty Folds

Moths, who many thought mated only to reproduce, have astounded the scientific world by exhibiting many of the characteristics of human sex, suggests a study published today. The report, "Moths and How They Do Each Other", examined the breeding habits of the Polyphemus Moth (Antheraea polyphemus) and discovered a world of sexual behaviour similar to our own.

Professor Dusty Folds of Harvard University explained that the Moth has a courtship routine similar to our own. "The male Polyphemus Moth will select a female, demonstrate its masculinity with a garish show of colourful wings and then begin foreplay, usually oral sex and masturbation." Then, he continued, the moths would engage in a number of positions - the Reverse Cow-girl being the most popular - and the mating ritual would end with some kind of "money shot" and, occasionally, a "pearl necklace."

Professor Folds, whose previous studies have created controversy, including his paper that suggested that the possum has a form of "swingers' party", denied that the results were not peer-assessed, adding that he had observed this activity numerous times, especially when he was on his own in his laboratory and had video to prove it.

"Not only do these moths make out just like us," he added, "but they demonstrate a predilection for role-play, too. One male moth would mimic the markings of a butterfly and tie the female moth with silk to the branch of a tree." A primitive form of "tea-bagging" had been observed but the Professor explained that it was too early to say whether this had occurred for sure.

Harvard University have refused to comment but have revealed that Professor Folds is under investigation for his paper on the subject of geese and why the female of the species has no gag reflex.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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