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Monday, 31 December 2007

image for North Pole Runs Out of Time

Polar Cap Center, North Pole (IPP) - The North Polar cap ran out of time earlier today. This part of the Earth has ceased to rotate despite the fact that the rest of the planet below the periphery of the polar cap continues to rotate.

Scientists have been unable to explain how the cap can remain physically attached to the remainder of the planet while at the same time being detached from the planet's rotation.

Scientists living and working in the affected area report an almost total lack of time in the area. Clocks have become obsolete and so it takes absolutely no time to get from one place to another.

The odd phenomenon has been reported on the Dr. Phil show and there are reports of an ever growing number of people attempting go north to experience what is happening there. People suffering from terminal diseases are desperate to get into the no time zone so as to prolong their lives.

There are "odd goings ons" up there reported a pilot from the Carolinas. He said that music cannot be played there because it exists within a time frame. Also the past and future have no meaning there and this was both pleasant in some cases and not so pleasant in others. Schedules are useless and military discipline has broken down in part because no one there can be early nor late nor plan anything into a non-existent future. Gyroscopes no longer work there because there can be no revolutions per minute without time. Liquids and other matter cannot be poured because gallons or other measurements involving per minute measurements, for instance, cannot exist without time.

"History is absent there also which really is no problem because man never learns from past mistakes anyway," said the obviously shaken pilot.

People headed in that direction are warned that they should not try to smuggle time into the area so as to not disturb the lab-like environment made possible by the cessation of time.

One problem which must be solved is the fact the one part of the pole constantly faces the sun and the temperature will eventually rise to dangerous levels there while getting extremely cold on the side facing away from the sun.

On the still rotating part of the Earth there are problems with navigation because the magnetic pole has vanished. The cessation of the polar rotation is also beginning to have an effect temperature patterns.

One scientist stated that there are so many ramifications possible due to what is going on with the north pole that we are just starting to realize some of the almost infinite possibilities.

Perhaps peace can exist there because without a past there can be no Jesus nor Mohammud nor other figures from the past available to stir up the people by creating perceived or real differences among them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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