Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 20 December 2007

image for Ron Paul Lambasts Senate As World's Last Free Tuna Taken Into Captivity
Stop stalling and eat him!

A Tuna which is believed to be the last free fish of its kind in the world, has been captured in a net by local fisherpeople in the Philippines.

The unnamed male fish was more than 3000 miles from its normal habitat in the waters off Honolulu, and is thought to have 'got wind' of the fact that people were looking for him. He had evaded a hunting party for more than two years.

Tuna stocks have become severely depleted during the last two decades through overfishing, and only last month, tuna was voted by consumers in the US as the 'Most Delicious Endangered Fish' in a poll in Glutton magazine.

The catch of this last tuna heralds the end of the Tuna Bake and Tuna & Sweetcorn Sandwiches, both popular dishes in the West, never mind the livelihood of people in Southeast Asia.

The Last Tuna is expected to be in shops by the weekend.

The news comes close on the heels of an outcry in the UK over the plight of langostines, which are forced to swim 17,000 miles to Thailand and back, before being allowed to become Scampi.

The Fisheries Union Cod'n'Kippers (FUCK), in a statement on its website, said:

"There may be no tuna left in the sea, but try Dolphin. It's delicious!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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