Written by Deanna Goodson
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Topics: Pregnancy, Education

Monday, 22 March 2004

image for Getting Pregnant Results From Sexual Intercourse
A good reason to have a parenting license, right?

Yup. What you learned in sixth grade sex education is true. Sexual intercourse causes pregnancy in 89% of all cases worldwide. Using a turkey baster or enema along with more scientific forms of insemination and virgin births account for the rest of pregnancies.

"We have to do something about pregnancy now. There are just too many people having sex and enjoying sex enough to procreate and these people don't know how to parent. It's scary." A young woman said as she stood outside a clinic today. No one said what kind of clinic it was, so don't jump to conclusions.

"I have had three children and I say, do away with pregnancy. It's inhuman." A very pregnant woman asked as she was delivering her fourth child today.

"If men got pregnant, there'd be a cure by now." An angry single mother said today.

Despite the fervor over this issue, the Center Of International Titilliation Undulating Sexuality, or COITUS, for short, announced that "sex will not cease to happen and people will still procreate for at least the next several centuries. After that, we'll all be dead and who cares!"

Repeated attempts to ask someone living in a white house to decide if Americans should have a license to parent yielded this response, "If President Bush can be a parent, anyone can."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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