Binghamton, NY - Binghamton University researchers have discovered a permanent cure for stupidity, which guarantees its users a thirty to fifty point IQ boost. Unfortunately, they have found little market for their new miracle drug, as most people polled indicated that they liked being stupid just fine.
"I don't need no stupid vaccine!" said indignant moron James Lillyhammer. Other ordinary Americans echoed this sentiment, most of them replying to our reporter's queries in garbled slang and television-inspired political slogans. One wit opined, "Anyone who takes the stupid vaccine is an idiot and a traitor to the values of America!"
Stephen Verdigris, lead researcher on the ground breaking project, cannot seem to understand the public's reluctance to accept the new inoculation, "It's almost as if these people want to be stupid," he said.
In polls conducted amongst those who refused the vaccine, the typical response was "Im not stoopid, ur stoopid!" and "i voted for dubya in '04 and thank God i did!" One of the researchers was reported to have shot himself, leaving behind a suicide note which a nearby janitor, being unable to read it, promptly discarded in the nearest trash can. Efforts continue to discover the meaning behind this tragic loss of life.