Written by Ken Adrian
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Tuesday, 16 March 2004

image for Finally a Cure for Baldness - Elective Decapitation
Elective Decapitation Takes Weight of Baldness Off of Men's Shoulders

Los Angeles, CA - Scientists at U.C.L.A. have just announced a revolutionary approach to treating baldness - called Elective Decapitation.

The researchers claim that in 100% of cases, baldness is no longer a problem.

Guy O. Tean, a spokesperson for the research program, explains that "the subject voluntarily has the large mass above his (or her) shoulders severed from his (or her) body by means of a sharp cleaving instrument."

The procedure, says Mr. Tean, has been around for some time now but few have really understood the benefits of 'ED'.

"We're just beginning to full appreciate this as a baldness breakthrough..." the researcher suggests "So far, not ONE of our test subjects has complained of baldness after the procedure."

Market analysts, however, have not predicted a bright future for the procedure. Cosmetic surgery futures specialist Beryl Lintch says "This is just too extreme for some people. We believe that 'ED' sales will just be a drop in the bucket compared to other elective cosmetic procedures."

The team at U.C.L.A. disagrees. "We think this will work. We' ve put a lot of effort into this so if it doesn't work, heads will definitely roll."

So far there is a waiting list of over 2,000 men (mostly from France) who are opting for the procedure.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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