Written by Johnny Ovaltine
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Topics: Technology

Sunday, 19 August 2007

image for The Latest in Wireless Technology
"Shhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....."

We had the cordless phone. Then we had the wireless bra. Then came Blue-Tooth technology. Then it was wireless internet. Now it's the wireless parachute!

Billy Joe Bob McCorkindale of Skidmark, Mississippi has invented a parachute that has no cords. "I gots the idear frum mah buddy Ray Ray when he done a face-plant on 'is BMX bi-sickle. That's hows I come up with the No-Tooth technology."

BJ Bob is the first to admit that his design has some flaws. "Well, at first we was workin' with Kevlar for the shewt but, it was kinda heavy, made it hard to landÂ…" Several people have died testing the radical new designs when pushed out of the plane.

"Hell, I makes 'em all sign a weaver before I takes 'em up. I tell 'em they ain't getting' paid tills they land. Saved me a ton a money."

As of yet, there hasn't been a single safe landing. I asked him, 'why go wireless.'
"It's the latest thing, all the craze. I know bunches and bunches of kids'll buy 'em up once I gets it perfected. I seen some'n tangled up a tree by the cords an' I's knew right there they weren't safe so's I gots rid of 'em."

McCorkindale's son happened upon us during the interview and I asked the youngster what he though about his dad's new invention to which he replied, "I'm the best kisser in the 3rd grade! At least that's what Paw saysÂ…" Okay, a little too much information.

The Wireless Parachute has a patent pending.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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