Written by Ben Macnair
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Topics: Insects

Monday, 13 August 2007

image for Wasps are just spiteful bastards
Even famed Mormon Donny Osmond hates Wasps

Scientists in Montana have proved beyond all doubt that Wasps are just mean. The little sods who spoil picnics, sting for no reason, and who have no apparent reason to exist have been the bane of many people's live.

Professor Tori Spelling (no relation) said: "We now have special scientific proof that the little sods we know as Wasps have no discernible purpose, and we believe that is what has turned them into the effectual bullies of the Western World's insects. They are like bullies that have no power themselves, but need a gang, and then all say, 'You are going home in an Ambulance' but insects always get ambulances and taxi's mixed up."

The 60 year old who had spent forty years studying insect behaviour went onto say: "They are not like Bees. At least bees have the decency to die when they have stung you, they give honey, and at least they looked cute, like a dangerous pet might. I have a number of Bees for pets. They don't hang around for long, they usually die during the Winter, but it is a small price to pay for them."

Her Colleague, Dr Cameron Churchill-Blair went onto say: "This survey just proves what we all thought. Wasps and their ilk are just Spiteful Bastards, and don't even get me started on that Hornet Fly, lazy little blighter, he doesn't even have the decency or energy to get his identity, he just leaches onto something else and squeezes that to parlay some meaning into his sad little life. We refer to them as the Paul Burrell of the Insect World. When they reach the pearly gates, they will only be able to say, well at least I made other things seem good in comparison to me."

The intentions of Woodlice, Silverfish, House Beetles, and the Daddy Long Legs are to be the next subjects in the pairs government supported research and scientific discovery.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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