Written by Richie Simonson
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Topics: Bats

Tuesday, 31 July 2007

image for Bat Species on the Increase: Eco scientists ecstatic

At last and unfortunately the little Pipistrelle bat (Pipistrellus pipistrellus) is noted to be on the increase in a paper published in the New Science magazine today.

It is only with the publication of this scientific paper that it is now apparent scientists the world over have known of this little disease-ridden flying micro-mouse's increase for the past two decades.

The publication of the study has lead to many red faces in the cabinet and the majority have fingered an administrative lapse in the UK Government's Department of Administrative Affairs. (DoAA)

One senior minister from the DoAA (and for the purposes of this interview we have disguised his name) Bilary Henn MP said, "This is a complete and utter cock-up and it's nothing to do with me because I've only been in the job one day¬Ö And who are you anyway?"

The study which had been suppressed for the last ten years through a now lapsed DoAA gagging order outlines to what length the current UK government has gone to find innovative measures for securing the country's energy security and reducing dependencies on such global conglomerates as Procta & Grumble; responsible for the DuraCill alkaline dry power cells amongst other products.

For the last five years technicians at the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) have been using ultrasonic peeps from airborne rodents to generate micro-voltages for powering essential household items such as smoke alarms.

Eco-scientists have acclaimed this development as the first major breakthrough in the new crossover science of biotechnorodomechanology and called for all governments to drop technologies based upon archaic twentieth century heavy metals such as Zinc, Saxon, Manganese and Motorhead.

By the way of proof the technicians behind the smoke peeper-bleeper have released this photograph showing that the bat behind this particular smoke alarm's power is totally unharmed after its 34th ninety-six hour stint; the bats are allowed thirty minutes rest before continuing for another ninety-six hours.

In an unguarded moment the supervisor of HSE's R&D department said "All we've got to do now is figure out what we do with the guano."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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