Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 19 May 2007

image for New Lybrel Birth Control Pill Promises No Menstrual Bleeding
Wanna come home to this look every night?

Lybrel, a new birth control pill scheduled to go on the market this summer, has promised that users will never experience menstrual bleeding or any of the other bad effects of the menstrual cycle. The pill will be available from doctors by prescription only.

Advocates of the drug company producing the new pill say that other products on the market reduce the cycle from the normal 5 to 7 days to only three days or from 13 times a year to only 3. Their product promises zero days, zero times a year.

The pill freezes the woman's body in the time frame after ovulation and right before mensturation. In other words, the woman will always be PMSing.

While male doctors who heard this felt that they could give it to some of their patients, they refused to provide it to their wives, daughters, or anyone else in the service industry. Said Doctor Joe Brown of the Mayo Clinic, "My wife is bitchy enough as it is when she is PMSing for a few days. Do I really need to put up with that year round?"

Men's organizations from the Promise Keepers to the Klan have all jointly agreed to picket the drug company responsible if the medicine is ever released.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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