Written by Prof. Jerry Tahl
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Topics: Scientists

Thursday, 19 April 2007

image for Origins of Chupacabra Discovered
Artists impression of the beast

Two Texas researchers have solved a mystery that explains one well-known phenomenon, while it uncovers a scandal lost in the mists of antiquity.

According to Dr. David Alexander of the University of Corpus Christi, the "Poet Nun" of Mexico City in the late 17th century, Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz, had connections with the darker side of the spiritual world that her superoirs in the order knew nothing about -- until it was too late.

Independent researcher Emmett Roch contacted Dr. Alexander to tell him about an old document he unearthed while conducting field research for Staked Plains College in Amarillo. While much of Sor Juana's career is well-documented, there is an unaccounted-for gap for 1673.

According to the old document, Sor Juana was abducted from the convent in Mexico City by a mysterious Count Martinez de la Pena, who was rumored to be, among other things, a vampire.

Evidence indicates that de la Pena forced Sor Juana to marry him and have his offspring. The results of this coupling between the evil count and the virtuous nun was apparently such an abomination to God that their children were horribly deformed beasts who had a thirst for the blood of goats. They became known by the fearful local farmers as "chupacabra".

Dr. Alexander wasted no time joining Roch at the research site in Mexico, where he was able to coroborate Roch's findings.

"We have without a doubt discovered the origin of the little monsters who wreak havoc with livestock owners along the U.S./Mexico border", stated Alexander.

According to the closely-guarded parchment, Sor Juana made good her escape after stabbing the depraved count to death with a large silver crucifix and made her way back to the convent.

Roch said "This was brave young woman who was literally subjected to the tortures of Hell, yet the strength of her faith enabled her to escape and continue her service to God, and her passion for poetry."

The two Texas scholars plan to write a book on their findings once their research is completed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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