Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 6 March 2007

image for Young Scientists Display Lunatic Potential
Monotone spastic, Stephen Hawker, before his accident, aged 2

Scientists have beem amazed at what they have called "true genius thinking" at the 2007 Young Scientists Convention in Little Rock, AR.

It's been a chance for youngsters to show off, not what they've been learning about in Science at school, but their innovative ideas on how they can benefit humankind by further developing all areas of Science & Technology.

David Nutjob, Head of Faculty at the North Carolina Institute of Youth Madcappery, told delegates the standards of innovation had been higher than all expected expectations.

"We are lucky to have so many budding geniuses, or is that 'geni', in one place. The world can look forward to an exciting future in scientific development."

Nine-year-old Frank Einstein, from Colorado Quirky College, demonstrated how to make steam merely by bringing water to its boiling point. An important discovery like this, he said, would be useful to industry for powering machinery. He also went on to reveal that this process reversed, that is, cooling water to extreme cold temperatures, would produce hard water, or 'ice'.

Sharon Crackpot, 14, a State Hopscotch champion at Delusional Spoiltchild College in Wisconsin, told of an elaborate hand-held communications device that enabled two people to speak to each other at great distances. Apart from its obvious technological capability, said Sharon, the device could be adapted with various different-coloured fascia, an array of 'ringing sounds', and trinkets hanging off it to give it a more glamorous appearance.

The kids whooped with delight, several wetting themselves, and were sent to bed early, but not before having their supper - a cup of cocoa and a biscuit.

Not all great thinkers are of the same opinion though.

Stephen Hawker, is the cleverest man in the world who, after he was struck by lightning when he was just two years old, developed the amazing Voicebox system used by Herbie Hancock on his 1979 hit "I Thought It Was You". The 'monotone man' was unimpressed and cruelly dismissive:

"Chil-dren should be seen and not heard", he croaked, like a Dalek.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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