Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 13 February 2007

image for Stern's cells used to grow breasts hydroponically
Hydroponics just got bigger

Tokyo - (Rotters): Japanese mammologists have claimed to be able to increase the size of women's breasts by using a mixture of fat and Howard K Stern's cells and then growing them hydroponically into luscious DDs within a matter of days.

News of the expertiment comes just days after Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer and partner Howard K Stern told the press he blamed only himself and his Stern Review into Global Warming and Green House Guesses for the 39 year old stripper's untimely death in Florida last week.

But now scientists at the Tokyo Big Breast Institute have grown Stern's donated cells after mixing them with cellulite.

The compound was then given strong artifical light treatment in a loft extension fitted with a customised hydroponics mechanism and an electricity meter by-pass to fool the power authorities.

So far there have been no serious complications and Mr Stern stands to make a small fortune if the current trials are successful.

The exact procedure remains a highly guarded secret but is said to involve "surgeons sucking fat cells" and combing them with "master" Stern cells.

The first prototype pair of breasts will be shown in public later this week in a naming ceremony dedicated to the memory of Anna Nicole.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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